Louder than words
by Seishin19
Summary: A terrible acccident leaves Ichigo mute while everyone thinks that it was due to the car accident in which his mom died. Shirosaki is a new student in Karakura High and wants to know about Ichigo since he noticed the loneliness and hurt on his eyes. Ichigo couldn't talk but for Shirosaki his eyes spoke louder than his words.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone! This is my first story written in other language that isn't Spanish so please bear with me and my mistakes though this chapter has been betaed.

This is a gift for a friend of mine (the one who betaed this but I haven't told her yet ;) It's a weird surprise.) She made me post the fic here even though I was unsure of doing it.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Bleach of course.

**Warning**s: Abuse, self hurt and suicide themes. (May add more as the fic goes on) This is a MxM fic, so if you don't like, don't read.

* * *

><p><em>It felt as though I would fall to pieces.<em>

_I started falling deeper and deeper inside a pitch black hole. _

_I had lost count of how many people had tried to tend me their hands to rescue me._

_I couldn't reach their hands. I was so far away from the light, so far away…_

_I'd never stopped falling._

**…**

Ichigo slammed the door behind him as he heard his dad run up the staris after him. He leaned against the door and waited for the intense banging on it. The orange haired teen clenched his teeth in frustration and closed his eyes as his father began to pound on the door.

He was afraid of his father. Sometimes Isshin would be the loving father he was, but there were times too where he became aggressive. He would blame his wife's death on his son, beating him up and insulting him over and over again.

"Ichigo, open the door!" A harsh voice full of rage could be heard. After a few minutes of loud noises, the man forced the door open. He grabbed Ichigo and punched him right on the face. Ichigo threw his arms up, trying his best to protect himself from the blows but with no avail. The teen panted, going into a state of panic, his heart banging loudly in his ribcage. Ichigo couldn't scream even if he wanted to. He was mute since the car accident that killed his mother.

Nine-year-old Ichigo was there with her. The trauma from the accident left him speechless or that's what the doctor had said. Ichigo knew the truth and his problem wasn't the accident's fault. Even when his father was beating him up as he was in that moment, he couldn't protest. He couldn't plead to his father to stop hurting him.

Being incapable of screaming for help made him panic. It wasn't the first time that happened and at some point he would pass out due to the pressure; however, sometimes he wasn't that lucky and he could feel all the blows aimed to his body until Isshin was satisfied.

"Don't you ever disobey me!" Isshin yelled sending another kick to Ichigo's stomach. Ichigo nodded while he clutched his abdomen, groaning in pain as doing so. The doctor stormed out of the room while Ichigo lay on the floor unable to get up, the pain nearly unbearable.

His body hurt everywhere. Ichigo opened his eyes and saw the reflection of a sharp object that was hidden under his mattress. Slowly, the teen crawled over to the object and pulled it out from under the mattress. A small razor sharp blade rested in his hand. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about it. Hurting himself even more wasn't going to fix a thing. However, Ichigo couldn't help it. He would always cut himself and pass out of blood loss in order to avoid the feeling of pain after the beating.

Ichigo took a shaky breath and made a deep cut on his left wrist before putting the blade where it was hidden before. His bloody arm started shaking uncontrollably as he lay in the floor and curled in a ball, crying in silence.

…

Morning finally arrived and Ichigo put on fresh clothes. Even though it was hot outside, he always wore long sleeved shirts or a jacket to hide as many bruises and cuts as he could. His father told him to wear them, so no one would know he was getting beaten. Not that Ichigo wanted to show his weakness to the world anyway.

Ichigo made his way to school fast. He didn't like the looks he received. Being alone makes Ichigo feel better since he didn't trust anyone anymore. Everyone called him weak and there was nothing he could do since he lost his voice. Teachers tried to speak to him and get him help, but he just ignored them and anyone that came along.

When Ichigo arrived at school, he took his usual seat at the end of the classroom, away from the rest of the students. The teacher threw a sympathetic look at him before she looked up to see a new student walking in.

"There you are, I was wondering when you would show up. Everyone, this is Ogichi Shirosaki and he has just been transferred to Karakura High. Please come in Shirosaki-kun."

The room was filled with a general gasp before everyone started whispering. Well, Ichigo would have said something too if he could. Albinos were rare, yes but… What about his eyes? He had never heard about someone having black sclera or golden eyes. Ogichi's eyes reminded him of a wolf's eyes.

"Nice to meet you. I hope we get along well and if we don't… be aware of your sorry asses because I don't take jokes or insults about my physical looks too well." Ogichi introduced himself while smirking, receiving some scared looks from various students.

'This guy is an ass.' Ichigo thought, sighing. Although the orange haired admired the other's strength in the matter related to his body. He was usually like that long ago when people used to take it on him because of his unnatural hair color.

The only empty desk happened to be the one next to Ichigo's seat. The teacher pointed at the orange haired boy and whispered to Ogichi, "That's Ichigo. He doesn't really talk to anyone, but he's harmless. I'm sure you two will get along fine." Ogichi nodded and walked over his desk.

"Hi Berry-tan, it looks as if I'll be sitting next to you for the rest of the school year," said the albino. Ichigo glanced at him, frowning at the annoying nickname. Shirosaki chuckled at this and took a look of his new partner. They were very alike except the color of their skin and hair.

Ichigo wrote down something on a piece of paper before throwing it to the new student. His writing was neat and beautiful or so did Ogichi think.

'**Don't call me Berry-tan or any nickname that has to do something with berries or strawberries. It's annoying as hell.' **

Ogichi sat down without another word while grinning. 'He seems to be interesting though his eyes intrigue me. Why does he look so lonely?'

* * *

><p>*prepares himself for hate and flames* I hope it's good enough! I know my vocabulary isn't rich and I really would like to go into more detail but I can't. I'm so sorry ;A;<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

His second day in Karakura High went rather well. There were always those mean teens that would pick on him because of his pale features, but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary, in fact Shirosaki saw this coming.

None of these problems mattered to him because there was only one thing on his mind. Actually, to be precise, it was someone.

Kurosaki Ichigo.

The guy sure couldn't speak through his mouth, not even a sound could be heard coming out from those lips, but his honey caramel eyes spoke thousands of words. The albino wasn't capable of comprehending why anyone wouldn't notice it or if they were just ignoring this fact on their own whim.

The teen had told him, more like wrote it down, that his vocal cords were damaged after a car accident. At first, it sounded logical; the impact may have actually damaged his vocal cords in some irreparable way. However, Shirosaki discovered not long afterwards that this was a lie.

The white-haired teen had met Ichigo's group friends when lunch time came. They didn't seem to mind that Ichigo didn't talk. They actually had fun trying to guess what he was saying with signal language. At some point, Keigo, one of Ichigo's friends, had said a stupid thing that didn't make sense at all and it made the whole group laugh. Including Ichigo, who wasn't supposed to be able to, according to facts.

Shirosaki had smiled at first, the sound of Ichigo's soft laugh making his skin tingle, though his smile was quickly replaced by a frown. If it was true that his cords were so severely damaged, laughing wouldn't be possible. Sounds would be completely impossible to produce.

Ichigo wasn't speaking because he couldn't. He just didn't want to.

But why?

Shiro was angry and frustrated for a short amount of time. None of Ichigo's friends seemed to notice that he had been lying to them all the time. He didn't want to step in a matter that didn't concern him at all, but since he had seen the lonely look in Ichigo's eyes he just couldn't stay out of it no matter how hard he tried.

This anger was soon replaced by curiosity as Shiro remembered how his laugh had sounded and how his eyes had shined almost happily for the first time since Shirosaki was there. It made him try to guess how Ichigo's voice might sound like. He was sure his voice sounded as heavenly as his eyes.

xxx

The orange haired boy started noticing Shirosaki more and more over the hours. There was something about the albino that made his heart beat faster. In the span of almost twenty four hours, Shirosaki had made his way to him faster and closer than any of his friends had.

He was stunned when Shirosaki pleaded him to stay a little longer at the rooftop with him after all his friends had left to go to the following classes. His honey colored eyes had widened when the pale teen approached him and whispered three words next to his ear:

"I hear you."

In normal conditions that sentence wouldn't have sounded weird at all but Ichigo knew those words had a deeper meaning, one that only himself could understand. Even without his voice, Shirosaki had been able to see through him without a problem. He probably even discovered that Ichigo wasn't really physically unable to speak.

For the first time in eight years since 'that' accident, Ichigo wanted to take Shiro's hand before he walked away and say 'thanks' for noticing him. Such a simple word, but so hard to say after so many years of self induced silence. Ichigo was struggling with himself to do so, to stop Shiro from walking away and speak to him.

'Just speak dammit! It isn't as if you have forgotten how to form sentences coherently.' The mute teen scolded himself.

Taking a harsh decision, he took Shiro's pale wrist and stopped him just before he got too far. Golden irises looked back at him, confused. Pink lips parted open to try and form words, but not even a small sound came out of his throat. A chuckle could be heard coming from Shiro as he turned to Ichigo.

"You're welcome."

Ichigo was left speechless after that (no pun intended). How did Shiro know he wanted to say thanks? A warm feeling spread through his chest afterwards, his heart beating even faster than before. After all those years of pain, the feeling that coursed through his body and mind felt almost alien to him.

Maybe Shirosaki was his escape from that dark and cold world he was trapped in.

xxx

Shirosaki woke up covered with a thin layer of sweat, the sheets were a mess on the floor and his pajama pants felt tighter than normal. "Fuck, just what the hell did I just dream about?" The pale teen growled to himself as he ran his hand through his white hair.

He wouldn't be so annoyed if it had been only a wet dream, something that was completely normal for a teenager. That, however, hadn't been an ordinary dream. Shiro dreamt of Ichigo. Below him, squirming and moaning. How did his sick mind manage to imagine Ichigo's voice in such a way?

"I actually want to hear his voice so I dream 'bout this better…" Some silent seconds passed by until Shiro scolded himself for thinking such things. "No! I don't wanna listen to his voice just for that, ya sick bastard."

An hour later he was sitting at his desk waiting for the class to start. At that time Shiro cursed himself for arriving so soon because he let his absent mind switching to thoughts of Ichigo and the damn dream. Once the orange haired teen entered the classroom, Shiro tried to distract himself with anything, but the temptation of it was just too big. Golden eyes glared at Ichigo as he approached him to sit on the desk next to his. Luckily for Shiro, he was able to push the dirty thoughts to the back of his mind and focus on more important things like the fact that Ichigo looked better than the previous days. His skin wasn't as pale and the dark bags under his eyes were slowly disappearing, meaning that he had been able to sleep those three nights since they'd met.

Smirking happily about Ichigo's better condition, the paler one called the other and greeted him with a cheerful 'good morning'. Surprisingly enough, Ichigo smiled back and greeted him back with a soft wave of his hand.

Ichigo was in a better mood since his father hadn't been at home for three days in a row. Even though he should be at least a little worried, the peace he breathed at home made him forget that his dad was missing. The teen could eat what he wanted, sleep all he wanted and do his homework peacefully without stressing himself over it. After some years, he was even able to play the guitar again or listen to his favorite music through the speakers. Ichigo found the opportunity last night to call his sisters and know if they were okay. The twins obviously missed his old brother but they were pretty happy at their uncle's house. The good news made his mood even brighter.

And Shirosaki was the first one to notice this.

The classes went by smoothly and lunch time came sooner than expected, maybe due to the good mood Ichigo was in the classes seemed shorter than ever. Unexpectedly for Shiro, he was dragged to a place where the two were alone. Surprised by this, Shiro decided to ask why Ichigo wasn't having lunch with his group of friends as always. The orange haired glared at him for a few seconds until reaching inside his pocket to take out a mini notebook and a small pen. After writing some words down, he showed the paper to Shiro.

'Would you like to hang out with me this afternoon?'

Shiro's mouth hanged open at the request before a smirk appeared on his face. "Of course I'd like to Ichi."

Ichigo frowned at the nickname but didn't complain about it. It was way better than 'strawberry' or 'berry'.

"Where're we goin'?"

Honey eyes looked to the other side as if thinking about the question before writing in the next page. 'My house sounds good?'

Another page. 'I'd like you to listen to a song I composed for guitar.'

Shirosaki agreed faster that he'd liked to. He didn't want to seem too eager to spend some more time alone with Ichigo, more even if it was in the berry's house. "I'd like to hear ya' sing too ya' know."

A sad smile formed in Ichigo lips as another thing was written down. 'I don't need words to express my feelings.'

"Tch… Whatever."

Somehow Ichigo was aware that Shirosaki knew this better than anyone.


	3. Chapter 3

*Realizes it has been a lot of time since he last updated*

…

*Proceeds to scream* Oh fuuuuuuuuuck, I'm not gonna lie, I completely forgot about this one. I'M SO SORRY *chains himself to the wall* YOU ALL CAN TORTURE ME IN EXCHANGE. *internal gross sobbing*

**N/A:** Again I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or errors at all that I may have. English isn't my first language, please bear with me *continues sobbing* This chapter is unbeta-ed. I'm sorry... **Again.**

**xxxx**

After all the classes ended, Shirosaki decided he wanted to talk to 'Ichigo's friends'. They were going to hang out after school and Shiro had some free time before he had to go to Ichigo's house. He followed the group, mostly listening to the conversation but no joining it, until he noticed the hour.

"Hey guys," he started saying to catch everyone's attention. "What's up with Ichigo?"

"Oh him…" A red haired tattooed teen smirked nervously. "Berry's a loser."

"Renji!" The black haired midget called Rukia punched him… hard. "Don't say that about him!"

"Abarai-kun, Kuchiki-san and Kurosaki-kun were childhood friends," the busty red hair girl explained to Shiro. "But they got separated when Ichigo stopped talking."

"Why?"

"I dunno, but I'm glad. He stopped talking around Fifth Grade, and it's a good thing 'cause he was such a noisy child. Crying for this, crying for that…" Renji rolled his eyes and another punch was aimed to his face by Rukia.

"Stop it you asshole! You don't know how much pain he has been enduring!"

"Oh so do you? He hasn't said a fucking thing in seven years! How are we supposed to help?!"

"Abarai, stop." Sado stepped between the two before the argument went too far.

Shirosaki frowned. Wondering why they hadn't tried to do anything to help his friend anyway. For him, they weren't trying hard enough. No wonder Ichigo was still feeling lonely even if he had some friends. He had still to make the last question before having to leave to meet with Ichigo.

"Is it true he lost his voice at the accident?"

The group glared at him with wide eyes, surprised by the statement. They shared looks between them before nodding. Rukia stopped in her tracks as everyone did the same.

"Did Ichigo 'tell' you? About the accident I mean," Shiro nodded. "He wrote something about his vocal cords being damaged, right?" The teen nodded again. "His vocal cords were damaged, yeah, but two months later his voice was back. It wasn't the same but it was still there."

"What happened then?"

Rukia sighed in defeat and shook her head. "We don't know. Ichigo was happy when he finally regained his capacity to talk, it seemed like he would lost it again after so much talking. Then the day after that he didn't come to school. One week passed by and when he came back… he had stopped talking again."

"We thought he still needed more healing, in fact, we went to talk with his dad and he told us that Ichigo may had not been able to talk again. We believed him." Renji added.

"Ya' never asked why?"

"We couldn't. Isshin-san was devastated and…"

Shiro growled and turned around ready to leave. Lifting a hand in the air he waved it and said goodbye bitterly. Ichigo's dad was devastated? Bullshit. He didn't know the man but it wasn't worth all this suffering for the orange haired teen. Shiro was determined to know why Ichigo stopped talking, even if he had to ask the teen or his dad himself.

**xxxx**

The orange haired teen was standing by the front of his house, his fingers still gripping tightly the key between them. He was about to turn the lock open when he noticed the door was already open. Ichigo opened and closed the door softly with a loud gulp. There was no sign of his dad yet; the old man was probably passed out in his bedroom as always…

Sighing quietly, he went up the stairs to his room as fast as he could without making much noise. Ichigo quietly slipped into the room and changed his school uniform for more casual clothes, still covering his bandages with a black long sleeved shirt and a scarf around his neck. Checking himself quickly over the mirror, he deemed himself good before taking hold of his wallet, his phone and his guitar case.

The teen headed for the front door afterwards, leaving silently. He waited outside the house, evading those spots he knew that could be seen through the windows. Ichigo didn't want his dad spotting him and forcing him inside.

"Hey Ichi!" The orange haired whirled around only to yelp when he met a pale teen in front of him. Amused golden eyes glared back at him as a chuckle left pale lips. "Did I scare ya'?"

"Shh!" Ichigo shushed him putting a hand over the other's mouth.

"What the… oi!" Shiro tried to protest but he was dragged by Ichigo down the street.

Once they were far enough from the Kurosaki Clinic, Ichigo let go of his new acquaintance and sighed with a relieved expression.

"What was that for?" Ichigo looked away while playing with his fingers nervously not being sure of how he should respond to that question. He forgot his notepad at home anyway. "I thought we were goin' ta' meet at yer house?"

Ichigo shook his hands in front of him, trying to tell Shiro that it was a bad idea at the moment to go there.

Shiro sighed and shrugged. What was up with Ichigo now? He couldn't understand him at all. It's true that he could tell what the orange haired was feeling by looking at his eyes but hey… Shirosaki wasn't a mind reader.

"Tell me Ichi… Do ya' know sign language?" Ichigo nodded 'yes' excitedly and the pale teen hummed. "I guess if I want to understand ya' I'll have to learn it at some point. Let's stick with writing notes for now, 'kay?"

Ichigo smiled and took Shiro's hand between his and wrote something with his finger in the pale palm.

'Arigatou.'

"Please stop thanking me so much, will ya'? Yer gonna make me blush and it's not funny." It was Ichigo's turn to chuckle lightly. A blush on Shiro's pale cheeks would be so obvious that no matter what he did it wouldn't be possible to hide it.

Ichigo really wished he had the willpower to talk again. It was a weird feeling after so long. A vow to never say a word again years ago transformed into the inability to talk, even if he wanted to. Not that Ichigo wanted to talk to anyone… until Shiro came in. Being incapable of forming words was so frustrating at the moment. Why couldn't he? Was it his body or his mind?

Shiro seemed to note that something was going on with Ichigo judging by his clenched teeth and deep frown. Clearing his throat to bring back Ichigo's attention to him, Shiro smiled afterwards trying to calm the other teen a little bit before formulating his question.

"What now?"

Ichigo seemed to think about it. His house was completely out of question with his dad being in there. He didn't want Shiro knowing about his serious problems so soon… Ichigo wanted him to know, but not now.

An idea crossed his mind and he smiled about it. That one will work. There was a music shop not far away from there that Ichigo likes to frequent when he didn't want to be at home. He was friends with the shopkeeper and the man wouldn't have any problems with them using the soundproof room at the back of the shop to play the guitar. Ichigo grabbed Shiro's hand and signaled the pale teen to follow him.

Shiro shrugged and followed him without questions. They wouldn't be possible to be answered anyway, so what was the point?

**xxxx**

Already in front of the music shop Shiro stared at the crystal door. He had never been there before but the sign said 'closed'. Ichigo looked really disappointed when he saw it. Then his expression turned somehow angry and he banged the door with his fists. Shiro stared at him quite surprised at the outburst. What was the point on banging the door like that? If it was closed then probably there wasn't anyone inside and…

"Mah, mah! Who is it? The door is gonna break!" A blond man in his thirties opened the door making the bell at the top of it tinkle noisily. "Ah! It is you Kurosaki-kun~" The man said in a excited tone. He was happy to see the orange haired teen again after some weeks. "Oh, who is this?" He asked when he saw Shiro behind Ichigo.

Ichigo talked to him with his hands and the blond nodded in understanding until the teen finished with a huge grin. What did he tell the man?

"Ah! So this guy is your new friend I presume?" The blond chuckled and smiled to the albino. "Hi Shiro, my name is Urahara Kisuke but you can simply call me Kisuke. I'm not one for formalities, you know. Come inside! Make yourself at home."

To say Shiro was surprised would be an understatement. He was beyond surprised that the man could understand Ichigo so well. In fact, Shiro was a little jealous of Kisuke because the man could have a real conversation with Ichigo when he still could not. How much time would it take to learn sign language anyway?

'I think I just found myself a provisional translator.'


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for your lovely reviews! I've just noticed this story has one year and it only has three chapters (four with this one), I'll try to update more frequently now. I haven't had internet for a year now and it makes it harder to update. I'm sorry c':

**(Hollow Ichigo-Ichigo)**: Oops hehe I'll try not to forget about it again!

**(Mayuzu)**: I can't say why Ichigo can't talk (or doesn't want to). That'd be an ugly spoiler *chuckles*. Also I don't have anything against Ichigo's friends or Isshin. I'm sorry Isshin is so cruel in this fic but he has his reasons.

**(Akane Ume)**: *whimpers in a corner* I'm sorry for taking so long, I really am! Renji is just frustrated that he couldn't help Ichigo, he doesn't hate him or anything I swear.

This chapter is also un-betaed. I need a beta so your eyes don't bleed while reading my mistakes (?)

**PS:** The song Ichigo plays comes from 'Pieces' by Red. Beautiful song tbh.

xxx

Ichigo was already at the music shop's back room readjusting the strings of his guitar. Meanwhile, Shirosaki had stayed behind with Kisuke trying to convince said man to teach him sign language. Shiro sounded almost too desperate when he asked Urahara. He was acting out of character by using that tone just to tell, no, _beg _him. It was still unclear to Shiro why would he go so far as begging just for Ichigo. He met the guy four days ago! Not being one to believe in love at first sight, this was completely unbelievable to anyone who happened to know Ogichi too well. Truth to be told, he had never been interested in someone for too long but Ichigo was different. The mute teen had awakened something inside him that he couldn't describe.

Urahara scratched the back of his head at the request, throwing the albino an interesting look. Kisuke knew Ichigo had more friends, if he could call them that, but none of them had really tried to communicate with the young Kurosaki. In fact, Shiro was the first he had ever seen having such interest in Ichigo. Kisuke didn't know the story behind his silence and he wished Ichigo would trust him enough to talk about it; however, every time the topic was brought into the conversation, Ichigo simply ignored the questions. Maybe, he thought, Shirosaki would be able to know the story and if he was positive enough, Shirosaki could be the one to break Ichigo's silence. It wouldn't hurt him to teach the pale teen how to understand Ichigo for now, right? With a sigh escaping from his lips, Kisuke finally agreed to accept Shiro's request.

"Ya' won't regret it." Shiro smirked and walked to the back door to reunite with Ichigo.

Kisuke stared at him as Shirosaki disappeared behind the door, a small smile appearing on his face. It wasn't too late. Ichigo could still be saved. It was time for him too to make his move.

xxx

"Ichigo before anything else…I want to ask ya' something. " Ichigo lifted his eyes from the guitar, his hands unmoving and his head tilted to the side as a sign that he was waiting for the question to be made. "Why did ya' lie?"

Shirosaki received a puzzled look from Ichigo since he had no idea what was he talking about. What did he lie about? Ichigo hadn't made up any lies to hide some things from Shiro… yet.

"Yer vocal cords aren't really damaged, are they?"

Ichigo snorted and looked away. Ah, so that was it. No doubt one of his friends talked too much about his past. Did they really tell someone's personal problems to any stranger who asks? Ichigo closed his eyes for a brief moment before sighing. He trusts Shirosaki even if he didn't know much about said teen. Although Shirosaki just stated he lied when he never did… Ichigo couldn't be angry at him. Ichigo never told him what happened after the accident; he only said his vocal cords where damaged on it.

Shirosaki frowned then shook his head. Why wouldn't Ichigo tell/write him the truth behind his silence? He still believed he didn't need words from Ichigo and didn't want to force him to talk. However, Shiro wanted to help Ichigo. There was something that was pushing him to do so. The teen looked like he needed help anyway, no matter how much Ichigo may have denied it.

"Haven't ya' considered on seeing a specialist?" Ichigo shook his head frantically throwing a Shiro an angry yet scared look. No, scratch that, he looked terrified. "Yeah, they ain't helpful." He shrugged his shoulders trying to act normal after seeing Ichigo with such expression which got him more worried than he intended to.

Shiro didn't have any other pressing things to discuss with him, so he turned the conversation to a lighter subject. "Urahara-san agreed to teach me sign language."

Ichigo stared at him blankly before he smiled. That sounded great. If Shiro managed to learn it he'd be able to have an actual talk with someone of his same age. Not that Urahara was bad, he liked the man as if he were a part of his family but there were always some matters he would never discuss with an adult.

And then the wait was finally over for Shirosaki. He really was excited about listening to Ichigo playing the guitar and this excitement was written on his face with a grin. Long and skillful fingers played along the strings, the melody coming from the guitar as they do so was really beautiful and yet it was sad too. Shirosaki couldn't describe it quite well but it was as if the melody actually transmitted Ichigo's feelings. Sadness, loneliness and then out of a sudden, even if the rhythm of the song didn't change at all, he felt hope. What Ichigo hoped for he didn't know. Shiro had the feeling that he would know rather sooner than later.

After some entrancing minutes were they both were submerged in the melody in each one's own way, Ichigo tried teaching Shiro how to play a simple song but they were failing miserably. Either Ichigo was a terrible teacher or Shiro was a terrible student. With a chuckle, Ichigo took Shiro's fingers between his (again) and tried to place them in the right strings for him to play. Shiro stayed still after that and then threw his hands into the air startling the teen behind him.

"I'm done!" He protested while crossing his arms and frowning like a little kid.

"It requires a lot of practice; you can't expect to play a piece in one single day."

Both teens looked up to the door where Urahara was standing with a smirk marring his face. "I know you two are having fun but it's getting late. It's almost past ten and I have to go home."

They shared a surprised look. Time sure flew away! They better get going or some trouble was coming ahead to meet them. Shiro handed Ichigo his guitar which he cautiously took and put it again inside his case. After everything was in place, they got out from the room, Urahara locking it up after them. When the man turned around he saw Ichigo's worried and terrified expression while he stared at his phone's screen. He may have been wrong but the orange haired looked a little pale too.

"What's wrong Ichigo?" Ichigo almost yelped when Urahara approached him from behind but managed to keep it to himself.

He had a bunch of texts from his dad and a ton of missing calls. A whimper was threatening to escape from his throat at the thought of going home now. No doubt his dad was really mad at him and those messages in capital letters asking, no, obligating him to come back home immediately scared him. With shaking fingers, he hid his phone inside his pocket yet again and tried to act like nothing happened.

"_They don't have to know_," he thought.

"Did something happen?" Shiro asked from his side.

Ichigo shook his head and forced a smile out. Readjusting the guitar case on his back, he waved goodbye to Kisuke before opening the front door to go out.

Urahara frowned and it was an expression that rarely crossed his face so it was an indicator that there was something going wrong. Leaning a hand over Shirosaki's shoulder, he leaned into him to whisper in a very quiet but serious voice:

"I have to ask you a favor."

Shiro arched an eyebrow at this but he didn't protest and instead of that he agreed to listen. "What is it?"

"Don't let Ichigo get home today. I have a bad feeling that something is going on over there and it's not good. I know it's too much to ask but… can you invite him over your house?"

Shirosaki had no problem with it. However, what would he do if Ichigo refuses? Sighing, he shrugged. Something would come up, he was sure.

Asking Urahara to give him Ichigo's phone number, he quickly saved it before texting to the teen a brief 'Shiro: Wait 4me'. Shiro wasn't sure if Ichigo was going to wait or if he was going to see the text but it was worth a try. Suddenly, an idea popped up in his mind. He knew a way to make Ichigo agree to his proposal of staying over his house. Ah… but he had to be fast or he wouldn't get to Ichigo in time.

xxx

His phone vibrated again inside his pocket. Still trying to decide between taking it or ignoring it completely, his shaking fingers had already fished it out to open the new text. A relieved sigh was heard when he saw the remittent was unknown. Opening the message, he smiled while reading the few words it had. Leaning against a wall, he looked up to the dark sky and waited. Shiro was worth waiting for even if that meant an angrier Isshin.

xxx

Running up the street he cursed aloud as the pale teen tried to remember the path they took to the shop from Ichigo's house. The teen had to be somewhere! How could he be lost? Or maybe Ichigo went home already? Groaning in frustrating he turned to another street and he finally saw him leaning against a wall, distracted. Calling him, Shiro ran to Ichigo, panting.

"I thought ya' left already… I guess it was me that got lost." Shiro managed to chuckle between pants making Ichigo smile too. Straightening himself, he suddenly wore a serious expression which got Ichigo worried for a second but it was briefly. Making signs with his hands as best as he could even if he knew he was failing quite miserably, Shiro told him to stay over his house for the night.

Ichigo blinked, trying to make sense of what Shiro just told him. It was messy, the position of his hands almost told him a total different message but he understood. It was a tentative offer to say the least. As far as he could get from his dad better it'd be. However, this meant that later on it would only be worse. Taking a deep breath, he stared at Shiro while he still pondered about the offer. At the end he nodded with a smile, accepting Shiro's offer of staying with him that night. It was sudden and unexpected and he still knew very little about Shiro but maybe it was the perfect opportunity to know him better.

What surprised yet got him happier the most… Was that Shirosaki was a fast learner.

xxx

**Omake time! : Sign Language.**

"Ah I see! So you want to ask Ichigo to stay over by using his own language? That's a really good idea!" Urahara chanted happily.

"Will it take long? I may only have… five minutes."

"Oh! It isn't a long or complicated sentence so sure, if you believe you can do it, five minutes are enough."

**After Shiro finds Ichigo…**

_Straightening himself, he suddenly wore a serious expression which got Ichigo worried for a second but it was briefly. Making signs with his hands as best as he could even if he knew he was failing quite miserably he tried to tell Ichigo to stay over his house._

After the sentence was finished, Ichigo gaped at him, face turning red as the second meaning of his name before covering his face with his hands and turning around in embarrassment.

"What's up Ichi? Is it too soon?" He heard a whimper. "Oh god… is it? I knew it! Don't worry Ichigo. I may be a little harsh sometimes but I'll be gentle with ya'."

Ichigo turned to him, face still red, fists clenched tightly at his sides and looking completely mortified. Unexpectedly to Shiro, the orange haired directed a punch to his abdomen making him double over. What went wrong?

**What Shiro thought he was asking Ichigo:** "I'd like you to stay over my house tonight."

**What Urahara actually taught him:** "I'd like to fuck you tonight."

_"DAMN YOU URAHARA!"_

xxx

**N/A**: I'm sorry but I'm not. I had to. Shiro knows nothing about sign language and he had no idea what Urahara was teaching him *chuckles*. It'd have been fun to make it part of the story but I wasn't sure so I added it as an Omake. Reviews? :3


	5. Chapter 5

N/A: I'm sorry I took so long (again). Having no internet really doesn't help me at all. But I will end this fic no matter how much it takes me. Please be patient with me *sobs*. When it's finished I will cry of happiness or embarrassment for taking so long. Again sorry for any mistakes blah blah blah.

I'm trying to make the chapters longer too (yay). I rewrote this chapter like… three times. But finally I like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Never will. What a shame.

x.x.x.x

"This is my flat." Shiro said as he unlocked the door and opened it. "It isn't big but it's comfortable."

It was fairly tidy and nice. There were boxes scattered across the living room. It was obvious that Shirosaki was still unpacking his things. Ichigo's eyes fell first in a picture lying flat on the living room's table. Picking it up carefully, he stared at it. The photo showed two boys, one was Shiro and the other was a taller guy with blue hair. And Ichigo had thought his hair had a strange shade of colour!

"That's my stepbrother" The pale teen explained as he took the picture gently from Ichigo's hands to put it face-down again where it was. "We lived at the same orphanage when we were kids and later we were adopted by the same family."

Ichigo could distinguish the sadness in Shiro's voice. He stared at the portrait until Ogichi called out to him from the corridor. Shiro gave him a long sleeved shirt and a pair of pyjama pants.

"Ya' can take a shower here" He opened the door next to him showing the small bathroom. "I'll be preparin' dinner meanwhile." He closed the door, leaving Ichigo alone with his intimacy. "I hope ya' don't take as long as my cousin!" Shiro continued talking as he walked away. Then he remembered he forgot to borrow Ichigo a towel and went back to his bedroom to take one. "Damn, she usually spent almost an hour… only showerin'!"

Ichigo chuckled as he listened how Shiro protested about his cousin and how much time she spent doing… Well, everything. It seemed the woman spent quite a lot of time in her. Taking off his scarf and shirt he then remembered the reason why he was wearing a long-sleeved one under the school uniform in first place. If he had worn more bandages, he would have resembled a mummy. The ones covering his wrists were tinted red with dry blood and were the firsts to be taken off. The oranget inspected the damage and sighed almost in relief when he noted the cuts had safely closed. No infection. Ichigo rubbed the left one with his other hand and hissed. Why did he keep doing this? Taking the rest of the bandages off as he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw all the sickening purple, and some with a greenish colour, bruises that were almost everywhere in his body. As he watched himself he felt like lying down and crying. Was he damned to feel this miserable the rest of his life?

"Hey! I forgot to give you a towel…!" The door opened out of a sudden as Shiro waved the towel in his hand. Everything seemed to stop between the two of them the moment Shiro laid his eyes on the other's body. Shirosaki stared at Ichigo with wide eyes and so did Ichigo too. "Ichigo what…"

Ichigo tried to hide himself by turning around. But even his back was scattered with bruises and wounds. He hadn't expected Shiro to see him in that state. It was way too soon to give explanations.

Shiro let the towel fall down to the floor with a soft thud before rushing to the other teen and grabbing him by the arm. His wrists were full of cuts; there wasn't a patch of skin that wasn't scarred. The rest of his body was covered with bruises and wounds. Half of them were old, the other half were fresh new. Golden eyes stared at this with horror. Who was doing this to Ichigo? Before he could even ask him, Ichigo snatched his arm away and quickly grabbing his shirt, he ran past Shiro.

"Wait, Ichigo!" Turning around, Shiro tried to stop Ichigo from running away but before he could catch him, the front door of his flat was slammed close in front of him. Golden eyes stared blankly at the closed door, his mind racing. Should he go after him? His head turned to his right and saw the portrait laying face-down on the table. Picking it up for the second time that day, he let out a heavy sigh. "Why am I so worried about him?"

x.x.x.x

**_Beep beep beep beep_**

She turned over and slapped at the alarm clock until it stopped blaring. She closed her eyes again before finally gathering the energy to stand up. She yawned and stretched her arms before her violet eyes were fixated on the body sleeping on the futon. A sad smile appeared on her face as she crouched down and shook the boy's shoulder.

"It's time to wake up. We got school."

Caramel coloured eyes fluttered open and stared blankly at the ceiling before focusing on her.

"I don't know what happened last night but you better move your ass. I don't want to be late." She snickered before disappearing from his sight to go shower.

He got up and got dressed with an old uniform his friend gave him. She said it was her brother's from several years ago but it would have to do. He couldn't go to school without the uniform. They would most definitely call his dad. He didn't want that. He tried to brush his orange hair with his fingers but it was as spiky as always. Sighing in defeat, he dropped his arms to his sides. Suddenly, his phone went off, startling him. It was a text.

_I'm sorry bout what happened yesterday. I just wanna help u. _

_Shiro. _

Ichigo stared at the message, his hold on the phone tightening. Help him why? What was the point? Was he worth saving? Should he answer the text?

Ichigo: I was scared. Sorry.

Shiro: Hey u answered. Comin to school?

Ichigo: In a bit.

The orange haired flipped his phone shut and waited for Rukia to finish preparing herself. Last night he was too scared to return to Shiro or home. So he turned to the only person he knew that wouldn't ask questions. They had been friends since they were four but since Ichigo stopped talking they started getting distanced. Maybe it was his fault. Ichigo had only wanted to prevent them from worrying too much over him but in the end, he ended isolating himself.

Everyone was right. He was disgusting and deserved everything that happened to him. If he hadn't distracted his mom when she was driving… When the car crashed he crawled to her and there was just so much blood. He still remembered how her eyes turned blank with sadness and regret. She knew she was going to die.

Ichigo was pulled out of his memories as Rukia yelled it was time to get going. He quickly noticed the wetness on his cheeks and wiped the tears away before sniffling and packing his bag.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

It was lunch time and I sat under my favourite tree like always when I felt like I needed some time alone. I had an apple for lunch but I didn't think I would eat it at that moment. I might not be able to eat at home so I thought it was better to keep it hidden in my room. When I had a little money I would buy food for me and it would last a while.

I ignored the hunger pains in my stomach and focused on the music sheet I was writing. I wanted to finish it before the anniversary of my mom's death. I write a new one every year. I feel like if I don't do it then she would never forgive me.

I erased furiously what I had already written. It wasn't good enough! I was about to shred the paper to pieces when a shadow moved in front of me.

Shiro.

Of course.

"Hey." He said breaking the silence. I waited for him to realize that I wasn't going to answer. Instead he sat down in front of me. "So… why are ya' here alone?"

I shrugged while rolling my eyes. Wasn't it obvious? No one wanted to talk to the silent freak. Not even my own friends. They would get tired eventually.

"Ya' left your guitar and your case at my flat."

I opened my mouth in a 'o' shape. I was so entranced in running away that I forgot about my guitar. The silence got awkward. How wouldn't it after what happened yesterday?

'Why are you talking to me?' I quickly wrote in the sheet for him to see.

"I told ya' already Ichigo." He replied as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I wanna get to know ya'."

I was just hoping he would leave soon. Butterflies were fluttering in my stomach from being so close to him. But Shiro knew. He had to get away from me or he would end hurt to.

"So why aren't ya' eating?" I didn't feel like writing a response so I just shrugged and ducked my head down. He was making me wish I could talk back again. Honestly I didn't think I would remember how to talk after all these years. What if me staying quiet so long messed up my vocal cords again? I felt sort of depressed at that thought for some strange reason.

"Are ya hungry? I can go get something fer ya'." He started to get up and I shook my head furiously and grabbed his wrist. I stared into his beautiful golden orbs as he looked me straight in the eye. It seemed like he was looking into my very soul.

We both jumped as my stomach decided it was the time to complain about the lack of food in it. He blinked and shook his head with a wide grin. Before I could protest he turned on his heels and stalked off. I wanted to talk to him but I haven't talked to anyone in years. What would I even say?

Shirosaki deserved at least one 'thank you' for everything he had done until now. Would he understand how much of an honour it would be? It was worth a try. I was still torn between wanting to get away from him and wanting him to help. Was I been selfish thinking about him wanting to actually help me?

I cleared my throat and tried to form words but it came out scratchy and unintelligible. Well maybe with practice I would be able to thank him with real words some day. Just maybe. I wasn't sure if it were my vocal cords or if it was mental. However, I wasn't ready. Not yet it seemed. I tried again though. I broke off in a coughing fit as my voice scratched my throat from being unused for so long. My body agreed with me. I wasn't ready to speak. I would practice talking until I could say 'thank you' without stuttering or coughing. Yes, that sounded good.

Shiro came back with the food and a water bottle. I gave him a weak smile as thanks as I started munching on the food. We sat the rest of lunch time with him asking me yes or no questions and me nodding or shaking my head. I was glad that he didn't ask anything too personal. They were simple things like: Do you like cats? Dogs? Have you ever gone to the beach?

I was actually having a good time when the bell signalled it was time for class. I walked to class like every other day with the exception that Shiro was walking with me. He sat down next to me in all the classes we had together.

When the final bell rang I had no choice but go back home. I was worried about how to avoid my father when I got home. I even forgot Shiro still had my guitar. I dragged my feet as I walked, not wanting to get there at all. I slowly opened the door to be received by my dad. He didn't look angry or drunk. Still, something was making me feel uneasy. I went directly to my room, trying not to think too much about it. I changed my clothes and I sat on my desk's chair. I was in the mood for drawing. I loved everything related to art. Drawing, panting, playing instruments, theatre… I was in the middle of drawing mom when I heard something crashing downstairs. I frowned. What was he doing now? Several minutes went by before I heard the dreaded footstep on the stairs.

My dad came into my room with an unopened bottle of some type of liquor. It was a big bottle too. I knew something was happening. He dropped it but it didn't shatter then he made his way towards me.

"It was yer fault, ya know? Ya' re the reason ma' wife's dead." He sneered at me. His eyes dropped to my drawing and I was too late to hide it from him. Anger flashed on his face. "Well, well, well look fer what ma' little boy came back." He snatched the paper from my hand and held it tauntingly in front of my eyes. "Ya' know what I should do to ya' fer this?" He asked as he slowly ripped the page into small pieces. I tried to evade the first punch. But I wasn't fast enough.

As the beating commenced I knew that it would be the worst in a while. He was more sober than other times and could calculate where to hit without it being visible plus he had better aim. When he got tired, he let me fell to the floor in a heap of agony. He walked out of the room to most likely get drunk again. And start the process all over.

I turned my head slightly to see the scraps of my drawing. I felt I could have a broken rib. The pain blended all together so it was hard to tell where the damage was. Then something else caught my eyes.

The bottle of liquor.

He left it.

A part of me screamed no but the other part wanted to know how it felt. Would the pain fade away? That was what I saw in movies and series. I crawled over to the bottle and opened it. Bringing the bottle up to my lips I tilted it up quickly taking a gulp of its contents.

I gagged as it burned its way down my throat. But I continued to drink it. When I was halfway through it all the pain felt like it was gone. I felt light and free. My mind felt foggy and I couldn't seem to feel my legs because I kept stumbling and failing every time I tried to stand up. When I managed to do it, I took another swig and I loved the burning sensation it left behind. I felt no pain. I felt no guilt. My mind was floating somewhere else. Free.

I silently laughed as, without knowing it, I stumbled down the stairs and walked out of the house. Dad didn't notice me. Oh well. Outside it was pouring rain. It was freezing cold. I heard myself laugh some more. It sounded shaky and even alien to my own ears. A headache made itself known and I winced at every throb that went through my head. I fell to the hard concrete and I was unable to get up again. I let out a mix between a laugh and a sob.

I was not… _worth helping. _

x.x.x.x

Shiro's POV

I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling after me and Ichigo parted at school. Once I made it back to my flat and finished homework I quickly changed into more comfortable clothes and stared at the guitar case leaning against my bedroom's wall. Maybe it could be an excuse to go give it back and see him. I put the case around my shoulders and decided I was going to give Ichigo his guitar back.

When I arrived at the Kurosaki's Clinic no one answered the door. It had started to rain but luckily I had brought an umbrella with me. I started walking back with a defeated sigh until I caught something on the sidewalk that was weird. I stared at it and my eyes went wide. Blood. Was anyone injured? Was it Ichigo? What if it was him? I tried to shake that thought off but it kept coming back. Whether it was his or not I should go check. The blood must have been recent because the rain hadn't cleaned it away yet. I followed its path to find shattered glass on the sidewalk a green liquid being drained by the rain. I clicked my tongue and frowned. Bah. It was only a poor drunk man or woman that maybe cut themselves with the bottle. With a heavy sigh, I continued walking down the sidewalk trying to spot the injured person. Turning the corner, I found someone lying on the road. I heard a car's engine and it was coming fast. If the driver didn't see the body in time, with the pavement being wet it would be definitely harder for them to stop the car. I dropped the umbrella and ran as fast as I could to grab the body and roll to the side before the car could ran over the two of us. I heard it honk as the driver shouted obscenities. I bitted my tongue to not yell back. I had to check over this person first. When I dragged them over the sidewalk to avoid more vehicles, I was stunned. It looked darker with rain soaking it but the hair colour… was a dark shade of orange. Who else in the city had such an outrageous hair colour? My heart sank when I recognised him. He was completely drenched and blood was starting to pool where he was lying. Quickly I fished my phone from my back pocket and called the only person that lived near and was somehow related to Ichigo.

When the blond arrived, he acted dead serious. Completely different from when I met him. Between the both of us, we carried the unconscious teen to the man's house. Once we were in, he shut the door and led me to a room. I laid Ichigo on the bed as Urahara rushed to get towels and his first-aid kit.

"What happened?" Urahara asked while carrying all he needed inside the room. I shook my head. I didn't know. I only found him like that on the road, passed out. Urahara peeled the teen off his clothes and we both gasped. I had seen him the day before and knew he had some injuries but he looked even worse if possible. We saw him wince when Urahara started drying him off even if he was doing it as gently as it was possible. The blonde gave me the other towel and I dried only my hair before letting the towel hang of my shoulder. As Kisuke patched and disinfected Ichigo's injuries, we could hear how harsh and uneven his breathing was. He was suffering, even when unconscious.

"Could you check his head for any injuries?" Urahara asked. I nodded and I gently inspected if there was any damage between bunches of orange hair. I found none and I was relieved but before I moved away I could smell something weird. It smelled like… alcohol? Had Ichigo been drinking? That wasn't possible, was it?

"Urahara-san…" I started saying, my tone sounding more nervous than I intended. "Is Ichigo into drinking?

The man arched an eyebrow and shook his head no. Not that he knew, he added. My chest tightened. _Not this again… _I thought. I didn't want to go through this with someone who was close to me again. I didn't know I felt so close to Ichigo until then, even if we knew very little of each other.

As Urahara kept checking on him, I gently grabbed Ichigo's right hand between my pale ones as I kneeled next to the bed. "Don't give up Ichigo… I won't let you fall farther into darkness."


	6. Chapter 6

I updated faster this time *yay for me* Reviews and favs keep Ichigo alive!

Ichigo: Are you serious?!

Sei: Yep.

Ichigo: ….Well shit.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. (Ichigo: Thank god he doesn't.)

As always, I'm sorry about grammar mistakes and so.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

I rolled over and silently groaned as my bruised body cried out in pain at the unwanted movement. Plus I had a headache that made me feel like someone was slamming it with a hammer. I crawled up slowly as a wave of nausea swept through me. After I was finally finished retching over the toilet, I flushed it and I leaned against the wall next to it. I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes from all the pain I was feeling.

I almost passed out right there but I felt a cool hand brush my hair from my sweaty forehead. I leaned against the cool skin and looked over to see who the hand belonged to. I saw Shiro standing over me with a worried expression and Urahara-san right behind him with an identical look.

"How are you feeling?" I shook my head slowly and made a thumb down sign. Urahara-san approached me and cleaned my face with a cool wet rag. I let my eyes slide close at the soothing feeling it brought.

They helped me stand up and walked me back to the bed. After I was settled they put the washcloth on my head and Urahara stuck a thermometer under my tongue.

I heard a tired sigh minutes later from Kisuke as he took the thermometer out and saw my temperature.

"He has a bit of a fever, " Urahara announced to Shiro was still looked deadly worried over me. Why did he care so much about someone as broken as me? What was the point? "I guess he can stay here until he feels better."

Shirosaki sighed and crouched down besides me. He smiled softly and I couldn't help but try to smile back though it ended looking more like a grimace. "I'll go to school now. I'll take notes for ya', so don't worry 'bout that." I nodded and mouthed a silent thanks that Shiro seemed to understand.

After that I fell asleep but my dreams weren't exactly pleasant.

x.x.x.x

Shiro's POV

School was shit when Ichigo wasn't around. I was really bored having no friends. Some beefy guy tried to pick up on me but I assure you that that bastard wasn't going to try to do it again in a long time. When lunch time came, strangely enough, 'Ichigo's friends' invited me over to sit with them and eat. I shrugged my shoulders as I accepted, having absolutely nothing else to do. I tried memorizing their names but it was quite the chore. Memory isn't my strongest feature. The midget with big violet/blue eyes was Rukia, the girl could be foul mouthed; the big guy with red hair and weird tattoos was Renji –the one who I wanted to tell me more information about Ichigo because they were childhood friends; the red haired girl with abnormally big titties was Orihime… I think; the four eyed guy with a stick up his ass was Uryu I believe; the guy who thought he was funny was Asano; the black haired always typing messages on his phone was Mizuiro; and the biggest and quiet guy of the group was Sado? Chad? How his name was even pronounced? I understood why Ichigo got along with this last guy though.

"So Shirosaki-kun… wasn't it?" The red haired girl said and I nodded. "What made you approach Kurosaki-kun?"

I found myself thinking about it. If I was honest with myself, I thought he was interesting at first and then I saw he needed help. A lot of it. And I didn't want to offend them but he needed a true friend. I wanted to be that friend for some strange reason. I mean… I almost had no friends.

"He's interesting in his own way," I answered nonchalantly as I took a bite of my sandwich. "And he's a beast with the guitar."

"It's useless trying to befriend him," Renji snorted with a scowl. "The freak will end up pushing you away too. He did with all of us."

I saw red the moment he dared to insult Ichigo but the look of hurt in everyone's faces made me pause before trying to get up and punch the red haired bastard. I couldn't stop my impulses thought and I ended doing it anyway.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I demanded harshly as I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "Isn't he yer friend still?! He can't talk for fuck's sakes! Maybe… yes! He has been hiding away because he's afraid but that doesn't mean he doesn't need ya'! All of ya'!" I was panting after I finished the small rant. They were staring at me wide-eyed, knowing that what I said was true. Even Renji looked hurt from my words. He fucking deserved someone finally yelled the truth to his face.

"Shirosaki-kun please calm down… " I clicked my tongue as I freed Renji from my grip and let him fell back sitting to the floor. "We really have tried helping him a lot of times but he didn't trust any of us enough to do it, not even Sado. He kept pushing us away again and again and we had to give up on him. It really hurts us but there was nothing we can do."

I calmed down a little bit after listening to their reasons. Still, they didn't have the right to insult him. I was completely sure Ichigo wasn't mute because he wanted to be like that. Had no one else the same point of view as me? It pissed me off.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

I stumbled into my house and I was utterly drunk. I went to take a step, but the world started spinning and I ended up crashing onto the floor. Footsteps came down the stairs and suddenly my dad was standing in front of me.

I looked into his eyes full of hatred and even in the drunken state I was in; I could tell I was screwed. "Are you drunk?" He yelled.

"Why does it matter to you?" I spat back. I was surprised that words came out from my mouth. It sounded like my old voice… that of a nine-year-old. I winced as he kicked me in the ribs knocking the wind out of me.

"Not so cocky now, right?!" He raged. I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for the beating… But it never came.

When I opened my eyes again, I was sitting in my classroom yet something was off. All the students' faces were blank. I glanced around and I watched as someone walked inside the room. It was me but at the same it wasn't. This version of me was writing my name on the board. When he turned around I gasped loudly. His eyes were completely drained of life and his lips were sewed together in a messy scary way.

"He's such a freak!"

"Look at his hair!"

"Did the cat bit his tongue?"

"Hey mute boy! If you want to be kicked stay quiet!"

I stared horrified at my classroom mates. I tried to scream and tell them to stop and found myself unable to move my lips. I closed my eyes tightly and covered my ears with my hands but the voices were inside my skull, echoing painfully. I blinked and I was no longer sitting at my desk. I was at the front of the classroom as I watched how my classmates continued laughing at me. I tried running away but my legs wouldn't move. I was stuck.

_Freak. Freak. Freak. _

When I managed to turn around to avoid the faceless stares, my name was no longer written on the board instead in blood red there was the word I always dreaded to hear.

_Guilty. _

I pried my lips open and it hurt like hell as they were still sewed together. I felt blood run down my chin but I ignored it as the only thing I wanted to do was scream. It ended sounding more like an inhuman sounding screech. That was all I was? A monster?

"Ichigo…"

Who was calling out to me? It sounded familiar…

"Ichigo!" The voice was much louder than all the students' voices together and it made me feel relieved. A bright light shinned over me and I had to close my eyes. However, when the voice called my name again, I opened them. Golden eyes were staring back at me, a hand being lifted towards me.

"Shirosaki?" He smirked like he was real and I took his hand and held it tightly.

"Don't give up Ichigo."

"Why? Why do you insist in helping me?" This imaginary Shiro my mind had conjured up just smiled. The light blinded me again and then all I felt was darkness around me. Where was I now…?

"Ichigo? Ichigo wake up!"

_Huh? _

I fluttered my eyes open and the first thing I noticed is that my headache felt infinitely better and it was almost gone. The next thing was the added weight on the right side of the bed. Shirosaki was sitting there, staring at me still with a worried look. I sighed.

"Urahara told me you were sleeping all day. It's six pm." Holy… I slept for that long? I must have been pretty tired. "I brought ya' homework by the way. It's alright if ya' don't feel like doing it but I don't want ya' falling behind." I nodded as he helped me into a sitting position. Still my chest hurt like hell. I guessed it was some cracked rib but Urahara made sure it was tightly bandaged so I didn't strain it too much. I used the books as an improvised table so I could do my homework. Luckily, it didn't take me much time to finish it because there was nothing in it I didn't know already. All the time Shirosaki had been staring at me and I must confess he was making me feel uncomfortable. I appreciated his preoccupation but… I wrote my thoughts down in a more subtle way.

'**I'm okay. Stop staring at me like that**.'

"Stare at you like what?" He answered quite confused. I sighed.

'**Like I'm gonna die or something.' **

"Well… A car almost ran over you and you were fucking drunk so I have the right to be worried." He crossed his arms and tried to put on an angry expression but he still looked worried like some mother hen.

I huffed and mimicked his actions by crossing my arms too.

"Urahara has been teaching me sign language." He said out of the blue making a sudden change of topic. "The shit is hard to learn." I chuckled at that. "How much time did it take ya'?"

I wrote my answer down. **'I was a kid and it was a necessity so I could communicate because I couldn't write kanji and shit. It took me over three months more or less to learn the basics.'**

"Three months! That's a lot of time." Shirosaki let out a defeated sigh but it didn't take him long to take a deep breath and smirk. "But I'm a fast learner!"

I smiled. I was touched by Shiro's actions. He was really trying to get to know me even going as far as trying to learn something as complicated as sign language so I could have a normal conversation with him. Writing all the time was tiresome. Then I decided I wanted to get to know him too.

'**So I don't know much about you, fill me in?'**

"Well, my name is Shirosaki Ogichi. I hate my first name 'cause I think it's ridiculous. I live alone for now, I'm searching for a partner so we share the flat. My favourite colour is red. I like water sports. My favourite food is chocolate and I'm really really interested in this guy named Ichigo." He whispered the last part and I could feel my cheeks heating. What the… Trying to distract myself from the strange feeling of butterflies fluttering inside my stomach, I wrote another thing down.

'**My favourite food is chocolate too but my favourite colour is violet. I'm not much into sports. I love everything related to art tho.'**

Shirosaki read what was written on the paper and then looked over at me like I was some kind of wonder. It made me feel weird but a good kind of weird. I think… I think that was the first time I smiled genuinely in a long time.

'**I'm also interested in a guy named Shiro.' **

We both chuckled at the same time which made me regret it later because my chest hurt a lot with the vibration but for the moment I felt quite happy.

Shiro was like medicine for my broken soul.


	7. Chapter 7

BAM! UPDATE! I'm suddenly passionate about this fic, I don't know why. I'm getting a new job soon and I want to finish this before that happens so you don't have to wait infinite time until I update again.

I assume this fic will have... hmm… 6 to 7 more chapters. Maybe less, I'm not sure xD

I need a beta. Seriously. I would write more English fics. Or even put my Spanish ones to English. Spanish Bleach yaoi fandom is like… very very small.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

My throat was still killing me and for the first time I was glad I was used to be completely silent. If I did manage to talk again though then it would be worth it to see Shiro's expression as I thanked him for buying me lunch and for being there with me when no one else would. I felt my lips twist in a slight smile as I remembered the nightmare I had two weeks ago. Even in my dreams Shirosaki seemed to be there to help me. However, my smile was gone as quick as it had appeared. I hated being bed ridden for so long with almost nothing to occupy my mind with. It tended to wander to things I didn't want to think about because in those three days I was there I started thinking about what I was feeling towards Shiro. The answer my heart and soul decided to gave me didn't make me happy in the least. I had a fucking crush. It wasn't the first time I had a crush on someone but it being Shiro freaked me out. He had become so important to me in such a short period of time that I couldn't believe it myself. There was no way he would ever like me that way.

I was finally over the nasty cold I caught from being out in the rain. Kisuke took care of me when I was sick and hurt. As soon as I started feeling better I was forced to go home. Urahara-san seemed to not like the idea of me going back but we both knew there was nothing that we could do to avoid it. If I stayed away from home any longer it would only fuel my dad's anger. I decided to go when Shiro was still away at school. He would have been the first one to be against that idea. I thanked Urahara for everything he had done and I gathered my things before going out on the street for the first time in two weeks. The bright light almost hurt my eyes but it was a pleasant feeling to feel the sun on my slightly paler skin. I decided not to wear a long-sleeved shirt or bandages so there was nothing covering my scarred arms. It was a strange yet good feeling. Maybe… Maybe I was getting better?

When I arrived home my dad wasn't very happy that I was gone for two entire weeks and I got scolded for it but he left me alone after warning me not to do it again. I was left standing awkwardly at the front door, wondering what had just happened. I was expecting some serious beating as a welcome. I gulped, feeling uneasy yet again. What was going through his mind? Maybe Kisuke called him?

I shook my head and decided to shrug it off. First thing I did was having a long relaxing shower and change my clothes into a white t-shirt with a dragon printed on its back and skinny black jeans. After being trapped inside a house for so long I wanted to breathe some fresh air. I took my wallet, my keys, my phone and my small notepad just in case. I closed the door behind me and I took only a few steps before I heard someone calling my name above me. I gulped.

"Where are you going?" My dad asked from the opened window in a strangely casual voice which reminded to his old self. He realized I wasn't going to answer and sighed. "Come back before eight. We are expecting guests."

To say I was confused would be a lie. I was beyond confused but not only because of my dad's odd behaviour. Who would be visiting us? We haven't received visits since Kisuke I think, and that was almost a year ago.

I nodded to him and started walking again down the street. I started wondering who it might be. It was hard to tell, my dad hardly had any friends left. We were alike in that aspect. When mom died we both started getting away from everyone else in fear of hurting them too… I stopped dead in my track as realization struck me. Was Isshin like this because he felt lonely? I was the only one around and even if I hated him for treating me the way he did I couldn't entirely blame him. I stared at my feet as I bit my lip. What was I thinking? If everything had gone downfall from the accident was his dad's fault. Being drunk all the time and beating his son because of it wasn't the best way to cope with Masaki's death.

'He wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't dead in first place.'

Yeah.

'And whose fault is that she's dead?'

Shut the hell up, inner voice.

I lifted my arms and looked at the pink and white scars on them. I was feeling the urge to add more so I shook my head furiously and started walking again, trying to push that urge to the deepest confines of my mind. Shiro wouldn't like if I hurt myself again. I was caring too much about what he thought respecting that matte. It was that stupid crush I had on him that made me really want to hold back. And hold back myself I did. I was quickly searching for a good distraction and someone up there seemed to _hear me _because in that moment my phone started vibrating. I took it and saw that I had a new message from Shiro. Wasn't he supposed to be at school? I looked at the hour. _He must have just finished_, I thought.

Shiro: Hey, feelin any better?

Ichigo: Yeah, I'm out of that goddamn bed. In fact, I went back home but I'm out 4 a walk.

Ichigo: Wanna meet?

Shiro: Sure! Where r u?

I looked at my surroundings. I spotted a coffee at the other side of the road and I decided to text Shiro about it. Maybe he knew where it was.

Ichigo: I'm in front of Lily's coffee. Sounds familiar?

Shiro: Ye. I know where that is. Wait 4 me.

Ichigo: K.

I crossed the road and stared at the coffee's menu that was hanging next to the door. I felt my mouth water as I read they served portions of three chocolate cakes. I hadn't eaten a piece of that one in forever. I was getting excited as I read it over and over thinking that maybe it was a dream.

"Hey Ichigo!" I heard Shiro's voice calling my way and I turned to the side to wave 'hello' to him with my hand. He was staring at me like there was something weird in my face and that might be the huge smile that was threatening to split my face in two. "What has got ya' so excited?" I pointed to the menu and he chuckled. "Ya' sure do love chocolate, don't ya?" I nodded energetically.

We got inside and a bell tinkled as Shiro opened the door. We were greeted by a very kind red haired girl that showed us our table. Shiro started chatting about his day and about how bored he was without me. I chuckled and signed to him that I was going back to school so he didn't have to worry. I tried to gesture with my hands as slow as I could so Shiro understood me. It took him a minute or two though. Maybe we should stick to notes a little longer. I took my notepad out, grateful that I brought it with me. The red haired girl came back to take our orders and Shiro already knew what I wanted so he ordered two pieces of the three chocolate cake and two vanilla milkshakes. The girl smiled as she wrote everything down.

"Are you two in a date?" I felt my face heat up at her blunt question but what surprised me more was the crimson red tinting Shiro's cheeks. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen. He looked mortified though. I shook my hands no to her, trying to tell the girl with that gesture that she was wrong. "Oops! I'm sorry guys! You two just look so good together and I thought..."

"I-It's okay…" Shiro stuttered. Shirosaki fucking stuttered. It was so weird yet so cute I felt a laugh bubbling on my stomach threatening to spill out. And I couldn't contain it anymore as I exploded in a loud laughing fit. "What's so funny?!" He yelled at me, his face even redder than before as I found myself laughing harder. My throat hurt so much but it was so funny I couldn't…

x.x.x.x

Shiro's POV

When I saw the excited smile on Ichigo's face I swear that if it was possible I would have melted right in the spot. It was the first time I saw him smile so openly and brightly. It made my chest tighten in a strange way. As we got inside and we took a seat, I started telling him what I have done that day as I always did for the past two weeks. I started listing our small order as Ichigo took his notepad out. It seemed like he noticed I still have some difficulties with sign language.

"Are you two in a date?" As the girl asked this I was completely thrown off and I felt my face heat up at an alarming rate. I tried to look away but Ichigo was already staring at me with the same red colouring his cheeks. I saw him shaking his hands frantically trying to tell the girl she was mistaken. "Oops! I'm sorry guys! You two just look so good together and I thought..."

"I-it's okay…" I tried to shrug the matter off. Did I just stutter? I wanted to facepalm myself. What was wrong with me? Getting so nervous over something like that… It's then that I heard Ichigo snorting and when I turned my head in his direction he looked like he was holding something in. And then he erupted in the richest cutest laugh I had ever heard. "What's so funny?!" As I found out that he was laughing at me I couldn't help but yell hack in embarrassment but that just made him laugh even louder. If it wasn't Ichigo the one laughing I would have already kicked his ass into next Monday. I crossed my arms as I frowned. As much as I liked him being happy I admit I was a little mad but not at him… It was just a matter of pride.

Our order arrived and I watched as Ichigo happily ate his piece of cake. His expression was completely priceless as he took the first bite. He looked as if he had just tasted heaven. I took a bit of my own piece and I was surprised at how delicious the thing was.

"This tastes heavenly!"

'**Yes it does!' **Ichigo quickly wrote before returning to practically devour the cake.

The more I saw his smile, the more I felt my heart fluttering. From the very start I held an interest for Ichigo and now it was going into something deeper. He looked up at me when I was caught staring and he smiled softly, tilting his head. Maybe he was wondering if I wanted to say something. I shook my head as a silent response. Ichigo shrugged and continued to taste his cake.

_"What is this feeling?" _I wondered as I pressed my hand on my chest. _"Do I… Do I like him?" _

That seemed to be the case. I expected to be more surprised when I realized this but I was calm about it. Ichigo was attracting me towards him like a magnet. I didn't feel like fighting against that attraction. There was this fear; however, that he might reject me if I told him about these new discovered feelings. I didn't want him to push me away. I wanted to be his helping hand when he falls down and needs someone to help him up.

I took a deep breath. Should I risk it?

"Ichigo," Said boy looked up at me again and blinked. "I wanna know if ya'd like to… how do I say this… " I scratched the back of my head, feeling really nervous. This wasn't usual of me and it made me want to slap myself. "Would ya' like to go in a real date with me?"

Ichigo looked confused then his caramel eyes widened comically. I swear his face was as red as a strawberry. He opened his mouth and for a moment I thought he was going to talk but he didn't which was a disappointment but it was quickly replaced with happiness when he nodded enthusiastically. He started writing down on his notepad and then passed it to me.

**'Does that mean you like me?' **

"Of course I do. Why else would I ask ya' out?" I chuckled and he blushed furiously again. I stared directly into his eyes and I was quite surprised. I had never seen that spark of life in his eyes before. Ichigo looked like this made him really happy, even happier than eating chocolate cake. Did he reciprocate my feelings?

If he did… I wanted it to last forever.

x.x.x.x

A/N: Whoever guesses who is the red haired girl wins a bunch of cookies. And yes, she is a Bleach character.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Wow, sorry! I didn't expect to get this out so late! First I like to thank yaoiloverXD for helping me and beta this chapter. Then I haven't had internet for a while in my phone either and I've been busy so I couldn't get my hands in my laptop and WiFi connection but here I am now and here is the chapter!

Cookies go to PandaHat97 and ChiVall! Yes, our dear waiter is Chizuru! Why? I just love her tbh.

* * *

><p>Ichigo's POV<p>

To say that I was stunned by Shiro's proposal wouldn't be strong enough to describe my reaction. I masked my surprise well and tried to act as collected and calm as I could. Inside, however; my heart was doing back flips. I thought that at any given moment it would jump out of my throat and start dancing on the table. I had to refrain myself from making an expression of disgust as I imagined the scene very vividly. What was I thinking about? Someone had just asked me out! That had happened like… like never. Never! I was seventeen and I hadn't ever had a single date, not even with a girl. What I was supposed to do? Would real life dates be similar to the ones in the movies or it was completely different?

I wanted to rip my hair out as I was walking back home. Shirosaki said he had to go practice with Urahara so we parted when we got out from the café. I took my phone to look at the time. Half past seven, Dad said I had to be there before eight so I was good. The Kurosaki Clinic wasn't too far away from where I was at that moment. I sped up my walking just a little, wanting to get there sooner rather than later. Honestly, Isshin had been acting weird and it was making me fall into a false sense of security. I shook my head as I sighed. No, I couldn't be fooled. As soon as he drank again everything would be back to the same routine.

That was how it had to be, that was what I deserved.

I arrived home to see that our guests were already sitting in the living room. I recognized them; they were the same people that came once to take Yuzu and Karin away. My sisters are still staying at my uncle's and I didn't go with them because it would have been too much for my uncle to bear. He had already three kids to care about. _I wonder why these people are here. _

My dad asked me to sit by his side on the couch facing our guests sitting in front of us. One was a young man with short, dark brown hair and blue eyes. The other one was an old man around his forties with long, dark brown curly hair and blue eyes as well. Just looking at him gave one the impression he was very polite and calm. I wondered if they were related. I had never asked them.

"Long time no see Ichigo." I nodded as the man said this. If I wasn't wrong his name was Zangetsu. Weird name for a man but it fitted him. "How is high school treating you?"

I knew the man sitting next to Zangetsu knew sign language, so I gestured my answer and the young man smiled.

"Good, I see. Not much bullying?" I shrugged my shoulders. There was always the usual thug who would pick on me for my hair or for my muteness but I could handle them myself just fine. I may have been depressed but I'm not fucking weak. "How about friends? Have you made any new ones?"

This time I nodded. Yes, I made new a friend, who I had a ridiculous crush on, and he asked me on a date. A real date. I felt like I was going to fuck it up. I didn't know a single thing about dating. I prevented myself from groaning. It wasn't the time to be thinking about that.

"Looks like your social life is improving considerably." The young man called Tensa chuckled softly. I rolled my eyes. If he says so… "That's good. Everyone needs friends to lean on."

My frown deepened as I crossed my arms. Friends to lean on? Bullshit. I had managed to survive on my own for eight years. My thoughts just stopped there as I went over what I was thinking again. Survive? I looked up to see that both men were talking to my dad but I wasn't paying attention. The image of Shiro came to my mind and I couldn't help but sigh. He made my world feel less like I was fighting to survive and feel more like I was fighting to live. They were two completely different things. I had been so deprived from the later that I had completely forgotten how it felt to actually live. To go out with friends, to laugh, to do what I liked…

To fall in love.

"…You see he has depression issues but we are managing just fine." I caught up on the conversation only to hear that. If I could I would have screamed a loud 'Excuse me?' I mean, in which pinkie world is he living where we are 'managing just fine'? I wanted to snap at my dad so bad but I couldn't. I couldn't talk and it was tearing me apart for the eighth time in the span of two weeks.

"Are you taking any anti-depressants Ichigo?" Zangetsu asked. I shook my head no. I would never shallow those things and be like some happy zombie. I preferred to fight it on my own, thanks. Zangetsu sighed deeply and I knew he was somewhat mad at me because last time I was like that too. It had been two years since the last time he visited us. "Ichigo, do you know that such a prolonged time into depression can be very negative for your mental and physical health?" Of course I knew. I was mute, not stupid. "It has been two years and though I have to admit you are making some progress still isn't enough."

I snorted. What was he now? My psychologist? God I hate those. Zangetsu stared directly into my eyes and I shuddered. Now he was really mad, and even if his face didn't show it his eyes did.

"This isn't a game, Ichigo, we are talking about your future. Do you want to be like this for the rest of your life?" I shrugged my shoulders just to make him madder. It was so much fun to make someone as collected as Zangetsu get riled up. I felt another pair of eyes fall on me from the side. My dad was giving me that cold glare that was telling me I was in for a world trouble.

Great. Fucking fantastic.

"Ichigo," Said a calmer voice coming from Tensa. "We are genuinely worried about you. If you ever need help, you can call us." They both got up as Tensa handed me a business card with their number on it. "Your sisters are doing fine and it looks like this environment isn't as toxic anymore as it was before." I wish that was true. Just two weeks ago my dad was still beating me to a pulp. I would have never wanted my sisters to come back there. My dad was so volatile I didn't want to risk their security. "They may come back by the start of next year if this keeps on."

I was panicking inside at those words but I didn't show it. I just gave Tensa a forced soft smile as I said thanks with my hands.

"Please get better Ichigo. You too, Kurosaki-san. We are really sorry…" NO! I looked at Zangetsu with horror but he didn't see my expression. Don't remind him, don't remind him… Don't! "About your wife's loss. It's hard to cope with the death of the loved ones but life continues on." Too late. I started to back up towards the stairs. If I was fast enough, I could lock myself in my room just as they closed the door.

"Thank you Zangetsu-san." In that moment my dad's eyes were locked with mine and I knew I was screwed. I couldn't move or it would alert the other two.

Shit.

"Good night." That was the last thing they said before closing the door behind them.

Isshin was staring at me and I gulped. What was he doing to do? Would he hit me? Scold me? I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. He surprised me, however. He asked me to sit on the couch again. I silently did so with a nod of my head as he took a seat in front of me. He took a notebook and a pen and slid them my way. He wanted me to tell him something. That had never happened before. He had never wanted to know about me since I stopped talking. My stomach was churning and I felt my throat constricting. I was feeling so nervous that I thought I was going to throw up right there.

"So you have made new friends?" He asked and I was taken aback. That was it? I felt myself relaxing but only a bit. I nodded my head slowly. "That's good to know" He chuckled. I felt tears at the corner of my eyes. That man… that man who was sitting in front of me was the real Isshin. When mom died he disappeared to become the cold bastard he was but… "How are they?"

I opened the notebook and took the pen between my shaking fingers. I tried to still myself and write correctly but due to the shaking it looked a little messy. '**They are just one.' **I wondered if I should write the next thing. I sighed. Maybe if I left the gender out it wouldn't be much trouble. **´We are going on a date next week.' **

My dad's reaction completely threw me off. He jumped on me and hugged me with all his strength yelling something that sounded like 'I'm so proud of you my dear son'. I didn't know if I had heard it well because I was genuinely scared. That sudden change of behavior was making me feel really uneasy. He was proud of me? Since when? All I had been called through the last eight years had been whore, disgrace, and monster. I was starting to think that maybe a car actually ran over me and I was in a coma and all that was happening was a dream. However, it felt too real.

When did reality make this one hundred eighty twist?

"Have you ever dated before?" I shook my head. I didn't know how I was able to react. I was still shocked over the situation. "I knew it! Don't worry about it Ichigo. I'll help you! Tomorrow morning I'm going to buy some nice clothes for you! You will impress her for sure!" **Her**. Oh right. I decided not to tell him it was a guy who I was going to date. I didn't want to step into my dad's volatile behavior. I was too frightened already.

x.x.x.x

Shiro's POV

I put my hands into fists as I smacked the table with them noisily. I was so frustrated because learning sign language was getting more and more complicated as Urahara taught me more things. It was hard not to mix some words with others because the position of the hands was almost the same. One finger could change it all. It reminded me of kanji. If you messed up with one line, it could mean a whole different word. I groaned and slammed my head on the table while Urahara chuckled at my reaction.

"You aren't going to give up now, are you?" The shopkeeper smirked.

"Gimme five fucking minutes." I answered under my breath. I wasn't going to give up. Ever. I was doing it for Ichigo and nothing was going to stop me. Why I felt so passionate towards this mute kid was beyond me. I mean, yeah, he was attractive as hell even with those scars. He could not talk but for some reason I found him very interesting. Not to mention his love for arts. I had to ask him more about that…

"But you're doing great! You will soon be able to hold a normal conversation with him about mundane things. It's a start, right?" I groaned and lifted my head to frown at the man's smirk. He was having oh so much fun with these lessons. I was sure that learning to play the guitar was way much easier than sign language. God dammit all.

x.x.x.x

I arrived at my flat completely exhausted. Between school and Urahara's lessons my brain was giving up on me. I wouldn't lie if I said that in my way there, I was walking on autopilot. At least I would get some rest because the next day was Saturday. I let out a content sigh as I flopped down on my couch. I thought about watching a movie on TV but before I could even will myself to go get the remote, I dozed off.

x.x.x.x

I decided it would be good for me to go out for a walk. I like to do it from time to time to clear my mind. It relaxes me. I felt the night's cold breeze blow on my face and I shuddered but it didn't bother me. It was a peaceful night or, so I thought. The silence was broken by a deep loud laugh coming from a dark alley. It sent shivers down my spine because for some reason it sounded horribly familiar. I dared to look into the alley to see a group of people gathered in it. I couldn't see their faces in the dark and they didn't seem to notice my presence either.

"Oi newbie, ya' hafta try this one out." My eyes widened as I listened to this. It wasn't the sentence on itself, it was the voice. That fucking voice. "If ya' tell anyone 'bout this, consider yerself dead. Are we understood?" The guy chuckled mockingly. "But of course! What am I sayin'? Ya' can't fucking talk!"

I gulped down trying to make the lump in my throat disappear but it wouldn't work. I should have walked away. I wasn't supposed to be hearing that, no doubt those guys were drug dealers. I made the mistake of kicking a rock when I tried to take a step.

Shit, shit, shit. They heard me!

"HUH?!" The same guy as before turned around and walked out of the alley to confront me. He was taller than me, bright blue hair shinning under the streetlight. Blue eyes glared at me with murderous intent but he seemed to calm down a little bit seconds later. "It's you."

"Grimmjow."

"Shirosaki."

"Well, well, what brings my lil' brother here?" He grinned as he patted my head. I smacked his hand away growling.

"Don't touch me." The blue haired seemed mad at the rejection but it was soon replaced with his trademark grin.

"Haven't ya' missed yer big brother?" I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned deeply. What was he even playing at? He was the one who abandoned us to become… _this. _"Too bad tho. Ya' should stop pretendin' to be the good guy, Shi. Ya' know ya're one of us."

I took a step back as I shook my head furiously. "No! I left that life behind! Ya' won't make me go back into that shit Grimmjow!"

"It'd be a shame, don't cha think?" What was he talking about now? Maybe even Grimmjow himself didn't know. For all I knew he could be high on his ass at that moment. "If a certain strawberry discovers 'bout this past of yers."

Strawberry? Wait, he wouldn't mean…

"How do ya' know Ichigo?!" I yelled, unable to contain myself at that point.

Grimmjow chuckled again. He was getting on my nerves. "Oh? Don't ya' know? He's one of us."

"Liar!" It wasn't possible! Ichigo would never get into that type of thing… right?

I took another step back as my eyes opened impossibly wide when another guy came out from the alley. He had that characteristic orange hair I already knew so well. I heard Grimmjow laugh but it was muffled but my running thoughts. Why? Why would he do something like that?

WHY?!

I opened my eyes all of a sudden and found myself back at the darkness of my flat. I panted harshly and my ears were ringing. A nightmare. It had only been a nightmare. Grimmjow had disappeared two years ago and I was sure Ichigo was safe and sound. Still, I had the urge to text him just in case. I couldn't shake off the fear I felt. Drugs ruined my life twice… if it ever happened to Ichigo I wouldn't have been able to stand it. I shook my head trying to make those thoughts disappear. I was still lying on the couch and I stretched before taking out my phone which still was in my pants pocket. I bit my lip as I texted Ichigo with a simple 'good morning'. I wouldn't tell him about the nightmare because I didn't want to worry him. He had enough problems already and he definitely didn't need to deal with mine as well.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

I was half awake when I felt the sun rays on my face coming through the window. I was still too sleepy to open my eyes so I stayed there with them closed, resting just a little more. That until my door was suddenly kicked open and I instinctively brought my arms over my head as defense. I closed my eyes tightly but the beating never came. Instead I was regarded with a crushing hug.

"GOOD MORNIN', ICHIGO!" My eyes widened at the weird display of affection. He had always been like that back when mom was alive. Why was he back to his old self? Something happened? "Wake up my dear son! We need to go and buy those clothes for you! Come on! Up, up up!" I groaned as he was yelling really loud. Was it necessary to be so energetic at such an early hour? I couldn't say I had missed this part of his personality.

He jumped out of the bed and excitedly ran to the door holding his thumbs up. I arched an eyebrow towards him.

"I made breakfast! Don't be late or it will get cold!" I nodded and he closed the door.

I stared at the door for a long time wondering what all of that was about. My mind was flooded with childhood memories and I couldn't help but feel nostalgic. Maybe Tensa was right. Maybe we were starting to get better.

Just maybe.

x.x.x.x

We went shopping together and it felt too awkward. Somewhere deep inside I thought that I should be happy to be able to share a good day with dad. However, past memories prevented me from doing so. All I felt was fear of the unknown as my dad continued acting like he was the happiest man on Earth. He even commented more than once about how proud he was about me for having a date. It was praise I couldn't accept no matter how much I tried to. As I went into the changing room to try out the clothes my dad had picked for me, I couldn't avoid looking at myself in the full-body mirror. My arms and thighs were completely filled with white lined scars; the most recent ones were a slight pink. It had been one week since I stopped feeling the usual daily pain; either from beatings or me scarring my skin. I lifted my gaze to look at my face. My eyes were hidden behind long orange tresses, it was getting really long. I didn't remember the last time I had it cut. Still I could see how they didn't hold much emotion. I felt lost, as if something bad was going to happen and I didn't know how to confront it.

"_You are just being paranoid Ichigo." _I told myself as I started dressing with the selected clothes. "_You are just feeling uneasy because dad is acting strange, that's all." _ I looked at myself again when I was already dressed and sighed. It was a plain white button shirt, black pants and a purple tie. I thought that maybe my dad still remembered which color was my favorite but it could be just a lucky shot. Either way, I liked it. It wasn't too elegant and at the same time it wasn't too formal, just something in between. I slid the curtain to the side and I saw dad leaning his back against the front wall. When he saw me he smirked.

"You look good my son!" He beamed. I forced a little smile back. "Do you like those?" I nodded. "Well then, get changed and then we'll go pay for it."

I undressed again and I was about to put on my clothes when I glanced at my reflection with a defeated look in my eyes. A thought crossed my mind as I felt suddenly ashamed of all the scars littering my body.

"_What does Shiro see in me?" _

As if hearing my thoughts, my phone ringed telling me that I had a new text message. I put my pants on and fished out my phone to open it. It was Shiro of course. It was a simple 'good morning'. I chuckled forgetting my previous thoughts. Shirosaki had that effect on me.

Ichigo: Good morning, Shiro. How've you been?

I put my shirt on and gathered the other clothes before getting out of the changing room and meeting my dad to give him the clothes I wanted him to buy. Then I received another text.

Shiro: Horrible night tbh. I fell asleep on the couch.

Ichigo: lol. U were that tired, huh?

Shiro: Yeah, Urahara is so strict when teachin.

Ichigo: Ikr. Music lessons with him were hell. I'm glad I don't need 'em anymore.

Shiro: Are u at home?

Ichigo: Nah. I'm buyin some clothes 4 our date *wink emoticon*

Shiro: Wow, so fast? There's still 1 week left ya know.

Ichigo: Ye, ye. But I didn't have any decent clothes and it's Saturday.

Shiro: That makes sense. Where r u? Wanna meet up?

Ichigo: I'm sorry Shi. I'm with my dad. I don't think it's a good idea. Maybe tomorrow, or we'll see each other at Monday, don't worry *sad emoticon*

Shiro: But that's more than 24h without u!

Ichigo: I know, be patient. If u r good I may have a surprise 4 u when the date day comes.

Shiro: What kind of surprise?

Ichigo: C'mon Shi. If I tell u then it'll not be a surprise anymore.

Shiro: Aw k. I forgot to ask u. Have Skype?

Ichigo: Ye. Gimme ur username and I'll add u when I get home.

Shiro: Sure.

I spent most of the shopping trip texting Shiro and my dad didn't mind. I think I heard him say something like 'young love is beautiful' or something like that. Seriously, what was up with him?


	9. Chapter 9

This fic has turned oddly sweet (for me at least). More than I expected tbh. However, things are about to go downhill. Not in this chapter, maybe not even in the next but be prepared *dramatic background music* About Shiro's past… You will all have to wait until the last chapters of this fic to know. I'm evil yes, but I want to keep this spiced until the very end. Try and guess what happened between him and his stepbrother. It's always fun to see the different theories people have.

Thanks again to the wonderful yaoiloverXD for beta this chapter. It's great to have someone help me with this (:

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, Shiro would definitely appear more often :(

Shiro's POV

I was glad it was Monday for once because I finally got to see Ichigo again. I mean… Who doesn't hate Mondays? I guess seeing him makes a Monday brighter. I had the urge to slap myself at those thoughts. It isn't like me to act like that at all. If Shirosaki Ogichi ever started acting like a girl it would be the end of the world. I'm not joking there, I mean it. However, Ichigo woke up this lovey-dovey side of me I didn't even know I had. I was starting to be seriously worried about my mental health -not that I was completely sane to start with.

I was bringing Ichigo lunch like always. He needed to stop eating like a bird and start eating like a normal person. I was surprised that he was sitting by someone that day. Wasn't she the red haired girl from the café?

"I didn't know we go to the same school!" She chirped happily, her eyes shinning behind her glasses. "I knew I had seen your hair somewhere! Is your boyfriend around here too?"

I couldn't see Ichigo's face from where I was standing but I was sure it was as red as it could get. I resisted the urge to smirk widely and appear behind him saying something like 'you called me?' I wasn't sure about what our relationship status was. Friends? More than friends? That one works if we were going to go in a date. I really wanted to make him mine (possessive much?) And the first step was to make sure he was safe. I needed to find out who hurt him. I already knew he had hurt himself yet he seemed clean since that time I found him passed out on the road. Ever since that night I hadn't seen new bruises on him. My first suspicions were on his father. I mean I was not saying he was the one hurting Ichigo but Urahara-san had the same theory, and believe me, that man is more than smart.

I had reached them and the red haired was talking about how beautiful boy's love is. I like this girl. I cleared my throat to alert them of my presence. Ichigo turned his head towards me and gave me a small smile while the girl grinned widely.

"Yo" I said as I grinned back. The red haired stood up and brushed the dirt off her uniform's skirt.

"Hey! I'm so glad you're here! Now you can keep Ichigo-chan company while I go see Orihime!" She blushed as she mentioned the last name, her hands going to her cheeks. Seriously, what was up with that girl? "I'm Honsho Chizuru by the way!" She giggled and then ran off while yelling that she had smelled her sweet Orihime around.

I blinked as I saw her ran towards the poor Orihime and grope her chest like it was the most natural thing to do to a friend. I ignored the strange scene of both red haired girls and sat next to Ichigo handing him the lunch I bought. He threw me an angry look but I shrugged it off. He was always so mad that I kept buying him lunch but he ended eating it anyway.

Ichigo pulled his familiar notebook out of his backpack and scribbled.

'**How can I repay you for all the times you buy me lunch? Even if you didn't need to.' **A grin spread out across my face and I swear I saw him blush for a few seconds. To further tease him, I leaned over him, our shoulders bumping while my lips were ghosting over the sensitive skin of his ear.

"I know very well how ya' can repay me…" I said under my breath making my voice sound sultry on purpose. I saw him shudder and I had to contain the laughter that was bubbling in my stomach. Then I broke away and he gasped. Why? I didn't know. He looked disappointed as if he rather liked it more if I was very close to him. As much as I loved to tease him, we were still in school, which annoyed me to no end because at that moment I only wanted to kiss him stupid. "What 'bout another song? Last one was so great." I chuckled.

Ichigo was red in the face and even his ears too. What kind of things might have been in that little innocent mind of his? I wish I could know. He was frowning deeply as if to appear to be annoyed but with the blush it completely had the contrary effect and made him look cuter more than angry.

"Why do ya' look so disappointed, Ichigo?" He turned his head to the other side, his arms crossed above his chest. He snorted. This guy it's going be the end of me… I leaned over him yet again and I quickly licked the shell of his ear. To say he was surprised would be an understatement. Could his face get any redder? He has been always so fun to tease.

He turned his head abruptly towards me with his mouth wide open as if he was going to scold me. Obviously he didn't. He rather stared at me with this angry-cute expression that made me want to do that again. With a quiet groan, he continued to eat his lunch in silence as I did with mine. I was used to it of course but for once I had nothing to say. Usually I would have a 'one sided' conversation where Ichigo would only nod or shake his head. Sometimes I wonder if he listened to every thing I said. It was hard to tell when he only answers with a simple movement of his head. Suddenly, something came to my mind and I had to ask. It was important.

"Ichigo, what's your favourite food? Apart from chocolate of course." He seemed to think about it for a moment, a finger tapping on his chin. Then he wrote down his answer.

'**Curry.' **

From sweet chocolate to spicy hot curry. Wow, that sounded so like him. One moment he could be sweet and be like a firecracker the next one. Not that I had seen him angry much by that time but he is fire himself. I guess when I met him he was a little… cooled off by everything that was happening to him.

"Anything else?" He chuckled and answered that he liked pizza and all that junk food most teens like. Me included. If they weren't so damn unhealthy I wouldn't eat another thing.

Ichigo threw me a knowing smirk as if he knew why I was asking these questions. And fuck he did. '**Problems with our date place?' **He wrote. I smirked back.

"No, what makes ya' think that?"

'**You are such a bad liar Shiro.' **I rubbed the back of my neck as I clicked my tongue. Busted. '**Anywhere is fine if it's with you silly.' **

"Even to a graveyard?" I cocked an eyebrow at him and he sighed while rolling his eyes. Still, he chuckled.

'**Damn your jokes suck.' **

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

Chizuru had taken a like to scare the shit out of me by appearing out of nowhere and hugging me from behind. At first I found it oddly strange until I saw she does the same with everyone she likes. She is one of a kind, that's for sure. I had even yelped in surprise quite a few times which surprised some students as well. The mute kid making sounds must have been a sight to see… or rather to hear.

Shiro and I visited the café where she worked more often (I can't stop eating their three chocolate cake) and she would continue fangirling over us. It was weird for us to be labelled as boyfriends but the more she said it, the more we grew accustomed to it. I had this happy feeling inside my chest that got me in a really good mood. Not even my dad's weird changes of behaviour could ruin it. That night we were chatting on Skype and it was a pleasant talk as always. Shiro is a box of surprises. He has never ceased to amaze me. He was excited, apparently, about a marathon of Doctor Who. I had heard of it, of course, but as everyone can guess my life hadn't been exactly easy. I almost had no time to do things like watch series. Shirosaki seemed very passionate about it though.

_We could watch it together! _He had typed. I could almost imagine his wide grin and the excited glint in his golden irises as he said this. I answered back that it would be a pleasure. I was curious, not only because of what he had told me about the series, but because I liked to share doing something so mundane like watching TV together with Shiro. For me it was an overexciting feeling. With that and the date day coming closer I felt as if I was living an early Christmas.

If I had to explain how Shiro changed my vision of the world I would say that after mom's death I saw everything in black and white. When he came in, little by little everything started recovering its colours. It was quite ironic to say the least. I mean in appearance Shiro is completely white himself –I wasn't complaining, I find him utterly breathtaking.

So there I sat in front of my laptop smiling like an idiot as my boyfriend typed about his favourite series. Even while chatting I wasn't really talkative, habits die hard I guess but Shiro didn't seem to mind. In fact, he confessed once that he preferred my silence sometimes. He tried to correct himself afterwards, though I wasn't mad, saying it was nice to be able to be himself without being judged. I called him an idiot. Well… _Wrote it_ for him in big capital letters. I wasted a page for it. Even if I could talk I would not judge him. Hell, I'm in no position to judge. My hair is orange and I was psychologically mute for god's sake. People seemed to accept it harder than if I were physically unable to talk. Strange how that works.

Shiro: Excited?

Ichigo: bout what?

Shiro: Tomorrow's date.

Ichigo: Why else would I still be up this late?

Shiro: lol Same.

I chuckled. It was past midnight and I couldn't sleep. At some point my dad had came in, oddly enough I was already feeling calmer around him, and asked me why I was still up. I didn't have to explain, he instantly launched himself over me yelling that I shouldn't be so nervous about my date. My immediate thoughts were, one: I'm sure he had wakened the neighbours up, and two: Was I so transparent? I needed to grab a hold of myself or I wouldn't be able to face Shiro the next day. He kissed my cheek goodnight as I tried to pry him off of me. God he was always so persistent no matter what mood he was in. As he closed the door I felt the hairs in my skin stand. I wasn't sure if my stomach was churning because I was nervous about the date or because something bad was about to happen… This made me feel tired out of a sudden, all traces of excitement gone in an instant.

I typed some things to Shiro before telling him good night which he answered back before I turned off my laptop. I lay down on my bed and I hugged my pillow. I prayed to the gods up there that I was wrong about what I was feeling.

x.x.x.x

I ran around the house like a chicken without its head. I had suddenly lost the purple tie I was supposed to be wearing and at the end it was in my dad's wardrobe. He had accidentally confused it as one of his. I don't wear ties everyday and he completely forgot. So much for reminding me every day how many days, hours and minutes were left until my date. It was annoying. My hair was untameable as always which was infuriating me. Not even a ridiculous amount of hair gel could keep it down. I ran my hands through it making it stand in its natural position. I'm sure Shiro wouldn't mind. I glanced at the hour in my way back to my room from the bathroom and I panicked. Fuck, I was already running late! As fast as I could, I grabbed my wallet, my phone, my keys and my coat, and ran downstairs. I waved goodbye to my dad as he yelled back something that sounded like 'good luck' as I closed the door behind me. I was supposed to meet Shiro in front of Urahara's shop in ten minutes. If I walked fast enough I would make it in time.

I managed to arrive three minutes early and I didn't even know how I made it. Urahara was smoking outside the shop and saw me coming from afar with a grin on his face.

"You are so well dressed today Kurosaki-kun. Where are you going?" I explained the date thing to him and he made this surprised face before grinning like a mad man. "I didn't think you two would take it as far as dating but I knew there was something special between Shiro and you."

"Ichigo!" I turned around and smiled as I saw Shiro coming our way. He seemed a little out of breath. He looked like he had been running late too… I chuckled. "I hope ya' haven't been waitin' for too long."

"Don't worry Shirosaki-san. Ichigo had just arrived." I nodded to confirm it. Shiro sighed, relieved.

When he recovered his breath, we were ready to go. I was about to tell Urahara goodbye when he told me something first with this hands. I felt my cheeks heat up while I punched the man in the gut. I didn't need him to tell me those kind of things! Geez…! Shiro seemed confused about the display but I had no intention of explaining it, nor did Urahara. Shiro snorted muttering something about not being able to understand sign language that far yet. Better for me. That would have been extremely embarrassing if he had understood.

I was old enough to know I had to use protection for sex, god damn it.


	10. Chapter 10

Now I wanna make this clear for this chapter in case it gets a little confusing:

**Ichigo writing. **

_Ichigo talking with sign language._

**_Thoughts. _**

Warnings: Some sexy time? Yes that sounds about right. Is this even a warning? First time writing this thing in English, I wish I could do better (It's not really explicit… If I were writing it in Spanish warnings would be fucking everywhere)

Update (24/10): Now this chapter is beta'd! Thank you yaoiloverXD for your wonderful work :D

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

Dinner was a complete disaster, for me at least. I was so nervous that I knocked my water glass down, got my shirt all wet and when I got up to go to the bathroom, I ran into a waiter and got spaghetti all over him. I tried apologizing by bowing my head repeatedly. I was never this clumsy. What was wrong with me?

I sighed heavily as we walked out of the restaurant. The food had been great and the topics Shiro chose for conversation were all but boring. If it hadn't been for that damn accident… I'm sure the waiter is still mad at me. Shiro laughed it off, telling me to stop beating myself over it. I looked at him and he gave me that bright grin of his that makes me want to melt in the spot. I felt like one of those school girls from teen's movies who are stupidly in love with the most popular guy of school.

"How does dessert sound?" He suddenly asked. I rolled my eyes and smiled. How could he be still hungry? "Oh, if ya' don't wanna any, I may eat it all by myself." I gave him a 'you are unbelievable' kind of look and he chuckled. "I'm sure the three chocolates cake I bought tastes heavenly. I think I have some vanilla ice cream too."

I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned. Oh c'mon! He knew I couldn't resist that delicious cake. Shiro rolled his eyes and laughed. "Fine, I'll give ya' some."

He started walking again and I stood there watching his back for a moment. Then I noticed how his outfit was contrary to mine; his shirt was black and the pants white. It came to me that we were so different yet so alike. When people say that opposites attract it may be true in our case. I slowly started walking behind him before looking up to the darkening sky. It looked as if it would rain at any second. I blinked when a raindrop fell on my cheek exactly at that moment. Aren't I a great weatherman?

"Ah shit! They didn't say it'd rain today!" Shiro yelled as he threw his coat over his head. "Let's go before it gets worse. Damn June's unpredictable storms!"

I nodded to him and pulled my coat over my head as well while we started to run when the rain started to pour down. We weren't the only ones who got surprised by the rain, because as we ran we saw more people taking out their umbrellas or running for cover like ourselves. It took us ten minutes of sprinting to finally get to Shiro's flat and we were already soaked to the bones by the time we got there. We quickly got inside and I only noticed then that I was shaking like a leaf. The rain was so fucking cold that it felt almost like ice drops.

Shiro took his shoes off and ran inside to get us some towels. I saw how he was leaving a trail of water behind him and wondered what was the point of taking his shoes off if he was going to get the floor wet anyway. I embraced myself with my arms trying to keep some heat, though it was almost an impossible task when being so cold and wet. Shirosaki came back some seconds later with a towel on his head and threw me the other one. I started by drying my hair off but my clothes were so soaked it wouldn't do much good.

"I guess it's better if we just take a shower and wear some dry clothes…" He sighed letting the towel drop to the floor with a soft thud. I lifted my gaze to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "I don't want either of us to get sick. Let's take one together."

A shower… _Together?!_

x.x.x.x

Ichigo slowly followed Shiro inside, still shaking. He wasn't sure if it was from the cold or from nervousness. There was something ridiculous about his thoughts. Why would he be so nervous of showering with a guy? It was something normal, right? Shiro had seen his scars already; there was nothing to worry about. It was just a shower with another man.

_**"But that man is Shiro!"**_ He mentally reminded himself with a shake of his head. Getting nude in front of his crush on the first date wasn't exactly his plan nor Shiro's.

He had this mischievous grin on his face that Ichigo couldn't see. It couldn't have gone better if planned. Sure, the rain was an important factor he didn't count with (he had checked the weather news but they said nothing about rain) but now it was working to his benefit. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his normal demeanor. He didn't want to scare Ichigo off like last time…

They both entered the bathroom and Shiro announced that he would turn the water on. Meanwhile, Ichigo turned around and he slowly started undress himself. It was hard because they were almost attached to him like a second skin… and there was Shiro as well. A blush crept to his face and Ichigo tried shaking it off by rubbing his cheeks. He said to himself that he should stop acting like some stupid school girl. The orange haired turned to Shiro when he said the water was ready. He had to hold a gasp in when he saw Shiro in all his naked glory. Somehow, Ichigo kept a straight face and got into the shower like he normally would. It was hard, however; to ignore the Adonis who had entered before him.

"Ya're so tense Ichigo… Is somethin' wrong?" Shiro said in a low tone that made Ichigo tense even farther. "There's nothin' bad 'bout us showerin' together, right?"

Ichigo furiously shook his head, trying to hide the fact that, yes, there was something terribly wrong about this idea. Shiro rolled his eyes with a shrug and turned around to lower his head under the spray of hot water. When he turned around and opened his eyes a couple of seconds later, Ichigo was standing in the same spot with a spreading blush over his cheeks. The mute teen was watching him with a mixture of embarrassment and lust. He was biting his lip and had averted his eyes down the moment Shiro had turned around but it hadn't been fast enough. Now this was pretty interesting.

"Ichigo, " He calls in a really serious tone that completely caught Ichigo's attention. "Do you touch yourself?"

First he was thrown off by the serious tone Shiro was using and how his usual accent was gone but then his mind processed the question and it went haywire. He felt his face grow hotter by the seconds.

_"What?!"_

"It isn't a hard question, is it?" Shiro chuckled as Ichigo stared at him bewildered.

_"I… sometimes?"_ Ichigo slowly answered his hands gestures almost vague.

"Ya're such a prude."

_"Well, excuse me! It's not as if I've feel the need that often!"_ Ichigo angrily gestured, this time too fast for Shiro to understand.

"Ya're so easy to rile up, ya' know." Shirosaki snickered when Ichigo pushed him away. Before the Ichigo could retreat his hands, Shiro grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him over, his bodies flushing against each other. "Ya' ain't getting' any hot water on you. I don't want ya' to catch a cold."

Ichigo hid his face on Shiro's chest in embarrassment. Why did Shiro have to tease him about everything? He felt Shiro's hands free his wrists and then they started tracing the skin of his chest. Ichigo opened his mouth not to protest but to gasp. He lifted his head and glared at Shiro with widened eyes. He was shown a mischievous smirk and a hidden glint of something in his eyes that Ichigo couldn't pin-point at that moment and time. Shiro turned Ichigo over and before Ichigo could protest in his own way –which consisted in a well thrown punch to the gut; Shiro started scrubbing his back with his hands. It felt really… pleasant. In vain, Ichigo tried to get away when his body started to react against his wishes but then Shiro chuckled and held him.

"Why are ya' runnin' away?" He whispered close to Ichigo's ear. Shiro could feel the other shudder below his hands. "It's obvious ya' like this." The pale teen turned Ichigo around once again and drowned him in a gently kiss. Caramel eyes were staring into golden eyes with obvious surprise in them. What was there to be so surprised about? They were going out together, weren't they? Kissing shouldn't be strange. When Shiro bit Ichigo's lower lip and he gasped, Shiro used that opportunity to coax Ichigo's mouth open and then stroked his tongue with his own.

Shiro could obviously tell Ichigo was inexperienced but not to worry because as much as himself, Ichigo seemed to be a fast learner. He caught on to Shiro's movements pretty fast and successfully mimicked them. Eventually they had to part to get the much needed oxygen into their lungs. They stared at each other, panting heavily. Ichigo still seemed shocked over the sudden kiss but Shiro brought him back by nibbling slowly on the nape of his neck while his hands roamed over Ichigo's chest. The orange haired really wanted to ask what Shiro was doing, not being able to wholly comprehend why his body was reacting in such a way. Sure, he knew what pleasure was but it felt so intense compared to the few times he did it to himself. Shiro heard another gasp from Ichigo when one of his nails gently scrapped over a nipple. It wasn't yet close to what Shirosaki originally wanted to hear so he pushed Ichigo against the shower's wall –not roughly so; and lowered his head to lick the lush spot. This time he elicited a low hot moan from the orange haired and may the earth swallow him if he ever dares to say it wasn't hot. Golden eyes glared up to meet half-lidded caramel darkening ones. That sight went beyond his wildest fantasies. However, he had to remind himself that life had been rough with his lover and he had take things slowly. If Ichigo could talk he would know… Fingers caressing his scalp made him open his eyes which he didn't know he had closed. Ichigo was looking at him with more intensity than before but it seemed as if he was deep in thought for a second.

"Did I do somethin' wrong?" Ichigo immediately shook his head and smiled with his hands at both sides of Shiro's face. Ichigo hugged him by the neck, shocking the pale one momentarily. Shiro felt Ichigo's lips ghosting over the shell of his ear and he had to suppress a shudder. "What's it Ichigo?"

Ichigo hugged him tighter, his fingers entwining in the white hair. He wanted to do it so badly. To finally jump that mental barrier. Ichigo closed his eyes tight and tried to relax himself. He could hear Shiro calling him again, a tint of worry in his tone. Ichigo tried encouraging himself, telling to his mind that it wasn't so hard, that there was nothing to fear being alone with Shirosaki.

He blindly trusted him.

"Tha… thank y-you… Shiro…"

They stood there, completely still as those words sunk in for the both them. Shirosaki was surprised to hear that voice for the first time and Ichigo was surprised he managed to finally say something without choking or having a mental break down about it. His eyes were wide as much as were Shiro's. After eight years of silence… He had broken it. For Shiro. Ichigo would have cried at that precise instant if it weren't for his pride, but still he felt an indescribable happiness. It was as if his pain was suddenly being washed away altogether. No more words were needed as Shirosaki drowned him in another hot kiss, this time it felt like he was pouring all his feelings in it. Shiro was a guy of actions rather than words anyway. Ichigo drew in a shaky breath at the spike of heat that ran through him as Shiro pushed their groins together. They parted away after some seconds, panting.

"Ya' finally…"

"Hm…" Ichigo murmured in response.

"I feel so damn lucky," Shiro breathed out with a smirk. Ichigo chuckled between soft pants. "Do I sound weird if I say that I've longed to hear yer voice for some time now?" Ichigo thought that even if this was about himself, he felt the same way. Hearing his own voice was so alien to him, it was obviously deeper, though not excessively so, than when he was a kid but that was to be expected. "Quite a strange time to decide to say somethin', don't ya' think?" Shiro laughed making Ichigo blush again and receive a punch to the abdomen by him. Shiro apologized in a mocking tone and hugged Ichigo by the waist while kissing his cheek tenderly as an honest apology. They fell in a comfortable silence, both under the hot water spray as they felt their bodies relaxing… to some point. Except one part of their anatomy was being rebellious. "Is it ok if I touch ya'?"

"W-wha…ahh…" He had tried to protest, something extremely weird of him because until that day he hadn't been able to voice his thoughts, however; Shiro's lips being pressed against the juncture of his neck and shoulder prevented him from doing so. He stopped the train of his thoughts as the other nipped at the flesh making Ichigo automatically grip Shiro's arms to hold himself. The hot water falling over him was doing nothing to help him calm down, if any it was making it worse. The feel of Shiro's fingertips drawing soft patterns on his skin drew out a blissful sigh from him. When was the last time he felt such tender caresses from another human being? All he could remember was pain and hurt.

"I won't do anythin' ya' don't want, I promise." Shiro kissed the other's pink lips softly, a softness he wasn't used to show at all. For Ichigo, however; he was willing to make a huge exception. It didn't feel exactly unpleasant and Ichigo seemed to like it for the moment. Shiro slowly traced one of his hands down Ichigo's abdomen and took hold of his arousal, forcing a hoarse cry out of Ichigo. The pleasure on his face was enough to make Shiro feel fire surging through his blood.

Ichigo arched his back and tried to breathe through the heat and steam. His brain was starting to shut down. Shiro's hand moved faster on him, and he clutched Shiro's arms harder, feeling like he couldn't breathe. He felt the pleasure escalating quickly and then it stopped abruptly. Ichigo bit his lip to avoid a whining noise escaping from his throat. He heard Shiro chuckle and felt him nibble at his ear making him shudder.

"What is it, Ichigo?" Shiro murmured with a sultry tone as the fingers of his free hand flicked one of Ichigo's nipples. "It wouldn't be fun if it ended too quickly, right?"

Ichigo glared at him through half-lidded eyes and groaned. He tried bucking his hips to get some more of the delicious friction but Shiro responded by taking his hand away and smirking mischievously at him. After some seconds, Shiro started with the tortuous movements on his member again and Ichigo turned into a mess of groans and sighs. As Ichigo felt himself reaching his peak again, he was afraid Shirosaki would stop everything again but he did not. In the contrary, he doubled his previous rhythm. Ichigo tensed, his fingers gripping Shiro's arms even more tightly and his toes curling. It felt so good and he felt so close he didn't even pay attention to the moans that were slipping past his lips until he lost the connection between his body and mind for several seconds. When he was able to open his eyes again, he was met by a blindly bright white and it took him some time to recover his vision. If it weren't that Shiro was supporting him, he would have fallen to the floor under his shaking legs. Ichigo still felt dizzy but tried to throw Shiro and apologetic look for the mess he made in both of them. Shirosaki chuckled and kissed his forehead softly.

"I am to blame as well," Shiro said as if he had guessed what Ichigo was thinking. He grabbed the soap container and poured it on his hand to get clean while trying to support both of them. He had come at the same time Ichigo had, his face contorted in pure pleasure and a few pumps were enough to bring him over the edge.

"Shiro…?" The orange haired muttered quietly.

"Hm?"

They both stared at each other and Ichigo smiled. Shiro smiled back as he saw something shining in the caramel eyes.

"Yes, I love ya' too."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Hey, classes are back and I have a job so life has been hard. I'm sorry. It's not that many people is interested in this anymore as in the beginning but there are only three or four chapters left so I'm not going to let this hanging for much longer.  
>Warnings: Did someone say more lemmon? I wasn't going to post it (I wrote it because I felt like it) but both a friend and my beta reader encouraged me to publish it here.<br>P.S: Only the first part of this chapter has been beta'd. Sorry we are slow (?)

x.x.x.x

Even though there were curtains, the annoying stream of light from the first rays of the sun still managed to hit the sensitive eyelids of Shirosaki as he lied in bed asleep. Sensing the morning had finally arrived, he rolled over throwing the blanket over his head. He _really _didn't feel like waking up and snuggled closer to the orange haired male who also lied in the bed with him. He inhaled his scent and took in the warmth emanating off of his body. His fingers lightly trailed through his smooth tresses of hair as he rested his leg on top of his thigh. He could literally just lie in bed all day in this exact position without a care in the world.

_'BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!'_

He groaned. _Almost_. He could almost just lie in bed all day without a care in the world. Groggily he sat up and reached over Ichigo's head to slam his hand down on the annoying, noisy thing. The beeping ceased and he stretched his arms up, arching his back as his joints cracked in response. Then he put a hand on his face. Stupid alarm clock. Why did he have it set up for all the week? Lazily he turned his head to the orange haired boy and tapped him on the side.

"Hey Ichigo, wake up." He said almost inaudibly, sleep still present in his voice.

Ichigo moved slightly, but did not wake. Instead he rolled over on his back and continued to sleep soundly.

"Well, I tried." Shiro yawned.

He sat there for a moment, blinking his eyes to get the sleep out before his vision finally refocused. What should he do? Get out of bed or just continue to sit there like a zombie? He felt Ichigo stir lightly in his sleep, giving him the impression that he was waking up but he didn't. Shiro's facial expression suddenly changed as a thought came to his mind. He knew how he could get Ichigo to wake up.

"Ichigo," he whispered, rubbing his hand over the side of his body. No response. Shiro grinned as he hovered over the sleeping male. He licked the side of Ichigo's neck, leaving a hot, wet trail as he tasted the flesh underneath. His pale hands roamed over his boyfriend's chest before going under his shirt to give his skin ghost-like touches. Ichigo started to stir, mumbling something Shiro couldn't quite make out. He smirked and started to nip and suck at the sensitive skin on his neck, and he heard a low moan rumble in Ichigo's throat. He traced a line down Ichigo's chest with his finger before he rubbed it over a nub. Shiro paused and rubbed it in small, soft circles until it became tender and erect. Ichigo's leg started to move up, and Shiro could feel him leaning into the touch.

Shiro smirked. "So, still not enough to wake ya' up?"

He suddenly flung the covers off of them, lightly shivering as the cold air hit his skin. His mouth moved from teasing the flesh on Ichigo's neck to planting small kisses on his cheek. Ichigo's head moved to the side causing his lips to brush across Shiro's who happily took advantage of the movement. He kissed him passionately on the lips before coaxing his mouth open and exploring his heated mouth with his tongue. His hands moved from touching his chest to slowly moving down to the hem of his pants, tracing the outline and smiling as the feeling made Ichigo's abdomen twitch at the ticklish feeling. Shiro knew he was enjoying this way too much; a part of him wanted Ichigo to wake up, but another, more darker side of him hoped his lover stayed asleep while he played and teased his body. Deciding to take it further, Shiro slipped his hand inside Ichigo's pants finding that he was already slightly hard, but not as hard as he wanted him to be. Tortuously, his hand started to stroke the length and that earned another delicious moan from Ichigo's unconscious mouth. His head moved to the side again and his lower body started to invigorate with he pleasure he was receiving.

"Nngh…" His right arm came up and rested on his forehead as his leg started to twitch; it arched slowly off the bed. Shiro paused the stroking of his hand to instead unbutton the pants and slide them down Ichigo's thighs. Feeling the strange movement, Ichigo's eyes slightly opened, revealing just a glimpse of his caramel irises. He couldn't see anything as Shiro suddenly moved downward to wrap his hand around his length. That made Ichigo flinch and he finally started coming to his senses.

"Shiro wh- _ahh…_" His stomach sucked in as breath escaped his lungs from the sudden pleasure that coursed through his body. His hands moved on their own accord as they reached down and entangled his fingers in Shiro's white hair. He was still barely conscious, but knew enough of about what was going on. He gasped again as Shiro took him in deeper and his teeth scraped over the top of his length sending delicious vibrations through him. He started to pant and his heartbeat raced. His head moved to the side on the soft, feathered pillow and bit it to contain his moans.

Watching Ichigo's body tremble, Shiro smirked to himself, rubbing his tongue on the underside of his length as his cheeks enclosed to suck on him harder and faster. Ichigo's left leg arched up off the bed and his grip tightened around Shiro's hair. He was so close, very close. A tight, ecstatic feeling coiled in his abdomen and he gasped as he arched off the bed, releasing into Shiro's mouth. The white haired, caught off guard, coughed a little as his essence poured down his throat, but he was able to recompose himself and licked his lips seductively as he sat up to look into Ichigo's glossy, caramel eyes filled with lust and slight satisfaction. 'Slight' satisfaction.

"Are ya' awake now?" Shiro asked with a chuckle. Ichigo glared at him before, incredibly so, speaking.

"Almost," he answered in a whisper that Shiro managed to hear though barely. He was still so quiet… He wanted to change that, "I think if you continued…I might just wake up screaming instead."

_Oh? _Now that was really interesting. Shiro smirked and pressed his lips to Ichigo's for a kiss; soft, smooth skin sliding past each other in a passionate duet. Ichigo lifted up Shiro's shirt to pull it over his head; Shiro did the same to him. With their chests bare, hands roamed to touch each others skin. Shiro pulled Ichigo closer to him, making the orange haired male feel hotter. Their lips parted and Ichigo soon found himself starting to breathe hard again.

"Shiro…" he whispered. Normally he wouldn't beg, hell he wouldn't even talk until yesterday, but he was caught off guard and his body wanted more of the person in front of him. Shiro smirked when he felt Ichigo shyly sliding his pajama pants down his legs. The blush on his boyfriend's face could have made him melt in the spot. Placing his hands on his chest, he pushed Ichigo down back to the bed which made him look at Shiro in confusion, but blushed even harder when Shiro started to remove the pants from his legs. The sight of his naked body couldn't be any more beautiful to Ichigo.

"What is it that ya' want Ichigo?" Ichigo almost jumped in surprise at the sound of Shiro's voice ringing in his ears. He had been so entranced watching Shiro's body that he had disconnected from the world for some seconds.

Ichigo stared silently at Shiro with somehow pleading eyes. He didn't exactly know what he was asking for; he just wanted more of something. More of Shiro. Before he could really be aware of it, one long finger was prodding at his entrance while Shiro's eyes were locked with his caramel ones. He was silently asking for permission and Ichigo was more than glad to give it. He trusted Shiro after all. Ichigo was new to all of that, but he wasn't completely clueless. Shiro smirked in delight and leaned over Ichigo to reach the nightstand at the side of the bed. He rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for. Looking at the small bottle of lube, Ichigo arched an eyebrow in Shiro's direction with a slight smirk pulling at the sides of his lips. It was Shiro's turn to get a little red on the face. He knew Ichigo was silently asking him why he had something like lube in his drawer but that was a secret he didn't feel like sharing at that moment. The prepping wasn't as painful as Ichigo thought it was going to be, if anything it felt slightly pleasant though weird.

Shiro looked at Ichigo who gave him a nod before he slowly slid inside of him; a moan escaped both of their throats. Ichigo kept his eyes shut as he tried to grow accustomed to the length inside him. It wasn't exactly painful, it was nothing compared to his old every day life, but it still stung a little. Some minutes passed by until he felt it was okay and moved his hips a little. Shiro took that as green light and started to move, thrusting slowly inside of Ichigo who gasped and moaned below him. He grabbed Shiro's shoulders and squeezed them as the pain was quickly replaced with sweet pleasure. "S-Shiro…" He muttered between pants. Shiro leaned over him and nipped the skin of his neck softly making the orange haired male let out a low sweet moan. "F-faster," Shiro if anything was taken aback by this request but he wasn't going to deny him that pleasure as he quickly rewarded the other with faster, harder thrusts. "Ah, Shiro!" His palms squeezed Shiro's shoulders tighter and his mouth hung open as hot breaths of air continued to blow from his lungs. Shiro grabbed Ichigo's hips and started thrust with more force, his eyes closed in pure bliss.

"Ya're more vocal than ya' let on I see…" Shiro said between harsh pants next to Ichigo's ear with a smirk.

"O-only for you…" Ichigo answered back in the loudest tone Shiro had ever heard from him until the moment. It wasn't still above a normal talking tone though.

"I'm gonna make ya' scream…" Both looked at each other with lust clouded eyes and Ichigo chuckled as he gave Shiro a challenging glare. Shiro gladly accepted the challenge as he wrapped his hand around Ichigo's length and began to pump it in time with his thrust. This caught Ichigo completely off guard and he couldn't help but let out a louder moan.

Ichigo arched off the bed. The added stimulus was sending him over the edge too fast, and his fingernails dug into Shiro's shoulder blades leaving crescent shaped marks behind. Then Shiro hit a certain spot inside him that had him seeing nothing but white in front of his eyes and for the first time in years a scream of pleasure tore from his throat. That's when his mind shut off and he was only able to feel and that was more than enough for him. He didn't notice that now only loud moans were constantly leaving his lips. His body finally rocked with delight as his white essence splashed over his stomach and Shiro's hand. His insides convulsed around the albino milking him of his release and he suddenly became breathless as his body trembled with waves of euphoria.

Now physically drained of energy, Shiro fell exhausted next to Ichigo. The two lied down for a few moments, recovering their breath and basking in the afterglow. The sun was shinning brighter due to the time that had passed. Shiro rolled over to snuggle next to Ichigo, covering them both back up with the soft blanket. Ichigo stroked his fingers through Shiro's white hair as he lied on his chest.

"Ichigo," Shiro called in a soft voice. The other answered with a hum. "I won."

Ichigo chuckled in response. Quiet as ever. Shiro was more than glad to have made him moan for him so much and so loud. Deliciously so. He was clearly satisfied with this.

"I wouldn't have thought ya' liked men." Ichigo shrugged his shoulders as best as he could in the position he was in.

"Me either. " Surprisingly, Ichigo answered several seconds later. "I guess I just went with the flow of events."

"Really now?" Shiro moved his head a little so he could look at Ichigo in the eye. "What does that make ya'?"

"It doesn't really matter. If you were a girl I'd like you anyway." Shiro chuckled at this response. "But if I had to tag myself I'd say…" His voice grew quieter and quieter until Shiro couldn't hear the last word.

"What was that?" Noting how Ichigo's cheeks turned a bright red made him even more curious. "Ichigo?"

"I'm Shiro-sexual."

The grin that appeared on Shiro's face threatened to split his face in two. "Geez I love ya' so much."

"I love you too." Shirosaki knew this already but hearing it made him happier.

They lied there in silence until Ichigo considered that he should get up to take a shower. The sticky feeling on his abdomen and backside was starting to be uncomfortable, not to mention gross. It wasn't until he heard soft relaxed breathing that he realized Shiro had fallen asleep. Shaking his head, he chuckled and continued to lovingly pet fingers through his boyfriend's hair. He guessed he could bear with it a little longer.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo's POV

I didn't know how to express the bubbling feeling inside my chest. Was it happiness? Satisfaction? Love? A mix of all three? I wasn't sure but it felt definitely good.

I got out of the bed slowly, trying to not wake Shiro up. Let him sleep for a little longer, it was Saturday anyway and we had nothing to do or none that I know. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and walked out of the bedroom, softly closing the door behind me. I went directly to the bathroom as I checked my phone in the way there. I had a message from dad. Its content surprised me, still not being accustomed to have his old self back. He texted something in capital letters that were along the lines of 'I hope you've had a good night' and something about being a proper boyfriend and using protection. I immediately shut the message as I stared at the phone blushing in a mixture of embarrassment and anger. I had forgotten how unnerving dad could be!

Shaking my head, I left the phone on top of the sink as I went through my morning routine. About the time I was finished, I heard the door from the room being opened meaning that Shiro was awake. I got out of the bathroom and smiled when our eyes made contact.

"Good morning Ichigo," he greeted me followed by a yawn as he stretched his arms.

I waved my hand before he walked to me and embraced me in a warm hug. I hugged him back and closed my eyes. It felt really good, like being back to my childhood where my mom would hug me for no reason at all though it was always appreciated. It wasn't the same but made me happy nonetheless.

"I have nothing to eat for breakfast here… " Shiro said as he released me to walk to the kitchen and check the fridge and the cabinets. "How does Lily's sound?"

I nodded enthusiastically at the idea. I felt like meeting Chizuru as well. She could be an interesting girl.

"Ichigo," I looked up at Shiro as he called my name in a somewhat serious tone. "Are ya' thinking 'bout… how do I put this… coming out to yer friends with yer found voice?"

I stared at him and blinked. For a moment I had completely forgotten that I could talk again. Habits die hard. Still, maybe it was too soon to be talking freely to anyone who wasn't Shiro and even for him I haven't gotten a long conversation yet. Just free sentences here and there. As if sensing my thoughts he spoke again.

"It's okay if it's too soon. Take yer time." I nodded with a smile and he grinned back.

We both got back to the bedroom to get dressed to go out. It would have been fast if I hadn't noticed Shiro staring way too much at me when I was putting my jeans on. Even if I throw him a glare that screamed to him to stop doing that, he just grinned from ear to ear and stared harder if it was possible. I threw the shirt I had been previously wearing to his face so he would stop staring at me already. That made him laugh even harder and I couldn't help but follow him with small giggles.

When both of us were ready, we exited the flat and walked slowly under the warm rays of sun. Summer was close and still it wasn't too hot outside. I had to admit I still felt weird wearing a t-shirt instead of trying to cover my skin as much as possible. It felt refreshing but when people stared I had the instant reaction of trying to hide my arms by crossing them over my chest. Shiro noticed this a few times and solved it by grabbing my hand as we walked. Now some people were staring at us for a completely different reason. _It doesn't feel wrong, _I thought to myself. Some even seemed to mistake us for siblings.

It wasn't long before we reached Lily's and as soon as Chizuru saw us, she waved to us from behind the counter before coming personally to great us.

"Good morning guys!" She greeted as cheerful as ever. Her gaze followed the path of our arms down and her glasses almost fell off of her nose as she jumped. "Y-you two…"

"We're soul mates now, isn't that right?" Shiro released my hand and put his arm around the back of my neck as he leaned over to give me peck on the cheek.

I felt like blushing when I noticed that people inside the café were staring at us. Not with disgust but more like curiosity. Those made me feel relieved somehow.

"KYAAAAAAAH!" She screamed with all the force she could muster. Chizuru took our hands between hers and shook them vigorously. "I'm so happy for you two! Can I be the godmother? This is great! Love at its finest!"

"Thanks…?" Shiro said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. I chuckled silently. Chizuru was the only girl that could make Shirosaki nervous with her questions and actions. "It isn't like we are getting married soon or anything…"

Although he said this, Chizuru continued fantasizing about our future. We decided to ignore her rumblings as we took a seat in a table close to the window. Chizuru took a deep breathe to calm herself down so she could take our order. She wasn't surprised that I ordered the usual but Shiro felt a little more daring and ordered something new. Chizuru giggled something about me being incapable of resisting the chocolate cake. I groaned. If a certain boyfriend had remembered he offered me cake for dessert… Was this an excuse to go out?

"Cake for breakfast, really Ichigo?" Shiro laughed out loud and I threw him an angered glare though it was brief. "If ya' wanted cake I had at home."

I snorted and crossed my arms with a frown feigning anger. Cake you forgot to give me last night. I couldn't be angry at him. I wasn't mad at him to start with. I guess I had a better dessert than cake and I couldn't complain…

Shiro leaned over the table and poked my cheek insistently. "Don't look so mad."

"'M not." I said under my breath. He continued poking my cheek as if expecting a reaction from me. I gripped his wrist and glared at him which he responded with a smirk. So he found it funny? I smiled back playfully and took his fingers in my mouth. Shiro looked surprised and I swear I could see a slight blush in his cheeks but it was brief.

"Ichigo we're in publ-" I bit his fingers. Hard. "Gah! Ya' little…" I smirked in triumph as I released his fingers. Poor Shiro didn't see that coming.

**"If you give your hand to the fox, it'll end biting you."**

"Why are ya' talkin' to me in sign language now?!" Shiro shook his hair with a hand, probably not having understood what I signed to him. I had a smirk still plastered in my face as he looked at me with an expression that said 'it's not fair'.

Chizuru brought our breakfast with a big smile on her face as usual. We thanked her –or more like Shirosaki did and I bowed my head-, and she went back to attend people behind the counter. The cake was heavenly delicious as always, I honestly wouldn't ever get tired of it. It seemed Shiro's pancakes were good as everything else we have tasted so far. It was a wonder how that café wasn't more famous. For out lookers we were behaving like any other couple would: Shiro would give me bites of his pancakes and he would still pieces of my cake portion (and I would growl to him for it but not in an angry way).

I felt genuinely happy and I was sure Shiro felt that way as well.


	12. Chapter 12

Heeey, sorry for having you all waiting. Only some chapters left, enjoy. This chapter has been beta by the wonderful yaoiloverXD  
>Warning: Heavy angst and dark themes ahead.<p>

* * *

><p>Shiro accompanied me home. We held hands the entire way there without a single care in the world, ignoring strange or disgusted looks. I've lived enough in the world of pain and I would not be bothered by someone else's opinion in our relationship. We were happy like we were and that's all it mattered.<p>

We stopped in front of my house and I took a deep breath. We had to say goodbye until Monday. Our foreheads were pressed together as we looked into the eyes of the other. His golden irises always managed to make me feel like I was floating no matter how much I stared into them. His lips brushed mind and I closed my eyes in bliss. If that was how happiness felt I didn't want it to stop.

"See ya' in Monday, Ichi." We parted and Shiro sighed softly.

"Love you Shiro." I whispered.

"I love ya' too." He said back louder than me.

We were happy inside our happiness bubble, unaware of someone watching us from afar.

I kissed Shiro goodbye on the cheek before getting inside my house. I closed the door of the house softly behind me before taking my shoes off. I was about to say that I was home out loud but I shook my head. I didn't want to that, not yet. I heard footsteps coming from the stairs and I saw my dad coming down. A smile was making its way towards my face, that until I found myself jumping to the side in pure instinct as I saw an object flying towards me. It crashed into the door, the glass shattering everywhere. It was vase. I stared wide eyed at my dad, wondering what that had been about. Maybe he had mistaken me with a thief because I had come in so quietly… I saw I was wrong when I noticed he was throwing daggers at me with his eyes. What did I do this time?

I saw a punch coming my way and I rolled to the side before getting up and rushing upstairs. I heard him following me behind quiet closely but I managed to get into my bedroom and lock the door. I panted harshly as I felt my heart thrumming loudly in my ears out of pure fear. I thought these situations wouldn't be repeated again. I believed we were getting better. Was it all a lie?!

I fished out my phone from my pocket, almost dropping it due to my shaking hands. I quickly searched Shiro's number and typed four letters as I heard the loud banging of the door behind my back…

_HELP._

I quickly rushed to my bed and got on it to open the window. It wasn't much later that I saw Shiro rushing down the street. He looked up and saw me on the window. I must have looked absolutely terrified because his worry seemed to increase tenfold. I got back inside my room and opened my closet to look into a box. I always had a rope in case of emergency and I had to escape. Unfortunately for me I haven't had the chance to use it because after the beating I was… Well, unable to move.

"Wait there, Ichigo!"

I nodded and I threw the rope out of the window, tying it tightly to the bedpost. I helped Shiro climb up. I running away just would serve to make it worse in the end. I didn't know what I should do… Once Shiro was inside my room he gripped my shoulders and shook them a little.

"What happened?"

"My dad is-"

Just as I was about to explain, the door was burst open with a kick from my dad. Shiro embraced me as if he was trying to protect me. This was crazy… I haven't should sent that text Shiro. What was I thinking? Now the two of us would be in danger and he would know about everything, about my dad's past abuse.

Dad came into room fuming and seemed to get even angrier at the sight of Shiro. My boyfriend seemed to sense the hostility coming from my dad and stepped in front of me before Isshin could deliver a punch towards me.

x.x.x.x

Shiro's POV

I stood firmly in front of Ichigo, golden eyes glaring hard at the man in front of me. My bruised cheek was throbbing painfully but that was nothing. I had been in tons of fights before. Against thugs bigger than me, against armed guys even I had gotten into some problems with some Yakuza's members. Not to mention the drug dealers my stepbrother hanged out with. Beat the shit out of them had been fun when I left the group. This man wouldn't intimidate me.

"Get away from my son!" The man yelled angrily.

"I won't do that, sir." I answered.

He marched towards us and tried to punch me in the face again but I quickly grabbed his fist. However, before I could twist his arm, he threw his other fist towards my stomach. I gasped for air but didn't relent in my stance. If I did then Ichigo would be in danger. I couldn't allow this to happen to him anymore. Not because of me.

"I was hoping he would bring some happiness back to this family…" Isshin snarled while trying to break free from my grip in his right hand. His other fist twisted, deepening its strength against my abdomen making me gasp again. How could a drunken man hold such strength…? "But instead he came out as a damn faggot!"

I looked back at Ichigo and he was looking at us with a mixture of fear and shame. I wouldn't allow Isshin to make my lover think that our relationship wasn't right. We were happy just like that! I tightened my grip in his hand and managed to grab the other by the wrist and pry it away from my stomach. He was putting a lot of resistance. Too fast for even me to prevent the hit he brought his right leg up, his knee colliding with my stomach making me lost my strength momentarily. Isshin freed his hands and grabbed my left ankle as I was doubling over in pain. I heard Ichigo gasp and I saw running towards us as my head collided painfully with the floor. I saw white and black dotting my vision and heard a sound that was like crystal breaking. When I recovered my ability to see, I watched as Ichigo fell to the floor on several shards of crystal with a trail of blood falling down his neck and face from his head.

"Ichigo…!" I screamed his name and he twitched but didn't move nor answer. I tried to get up to go aid him, however, my ankle was tightly gripped yet again and I was being dragged away from him. I tried fighting him, my nails racking the wooden floor making an awful sound but I didn't care. My only thoughts were that I had to help him. I had to help Ichigo. He could die from that wound.

Isshin dragged me to the edge of the staircase. Step by step, I felt my head hit each stair on the way down. That was nothing. He dropped me when we got to the bottom of the stairs. My body wouldn't respond at all. I felt dizzy and my consciousness was slowly slipping away but the pain was so bad that it prevented me from doing so. He pulled me up by the neck and slammed body against the wall, my already damaged head probably making a dent in it. But I did not cry out. I had to check up on Ichigo… I had to make sure he was okay. Compared to what he had went through…

That was nothing.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo woke up with a pounding headache. He stood up slowly and noticed that there was blood pooled around him. That was when he felt the pain. Burning hot pain shot through his body like needles. He brought a hand to the back of his head where it felt worse and his widened when he saw all the blood. How he had managed to get up escaped from his comprehension. He heard a muffled sound, like something being repeatedly hit against the wooden floor. Taking a step to his right, he noticed as his sense of orientation was completely wrong as he took it to the left instead. Groaning in pain and frustration, he used the wall as support and walked towards the stairs. The way down them looked definitely longer than normal because of the severe damage his head had taken when he was hit. Slowly going down, he felt his feet wet as he stepped in something but he couldn't make out what it was at the moment. His vision was getting blurry and his steps were getting more irregular. Only a few steps from reaching the floor, he tripped and fell down. Luckily he didn't hit his head again but his right arm took the damage of the fall instead. He felt all numb, the pain going almost unnoticed by him. He heard the same pounding sound again, this time sounding louder. Trying to get up with the help of his left arm and the wall, he continued walking passing the hall into the living room.

What he saw made his eyes widen and the fear took a tight hold of his heart. The white walls and the wooden floor were splattered with blood. He had never seen so much blood together since…since… Since the car accident.

"My sweet son," a voice said as a figure appeared form behind the couch, his hands and face covered in blood. But it was not his. That's what Ichigo feared the most. "I saved you from the wrong path you took… Come back to me. We'll start over."

Ichigo shook his head, taking a step back. He was completely horrified. Why? Why his father had came so far as hurting the one Ichigo loved most? His loved one… Shiro! Where was Shiro? He looked around frantically, searching any traces of his lover but he was nowhere in sight. When he noticed his father had come closer was already too late.

"Why Ichigo? Why do you want to tear this family apart?"

For the first time in eight years, Ichigo snapped. Angry tears ran down his face as he yelled. "Tear this family apart?! Me?! You are the one to blame! You started acting all violent when mom died! I asked uncle Kiyoshi to take my sisters away because I was afraid you would take it out on them! I took all the pain! ALL YOUR PAIN AND MINE!" Not caring about his arm, he punched Isshin in the face, throwing him to the floor. "I fell for Shiro because he made me happy! Made this world less of a living hell because of you! Do you know how guilty I felt since she died? How unworthy of being loved again I felt? Do you?!" He stared at his dad as he panted after his rant. His lungs were burning, his head and arm hurt like hell but those didn't compare to the hurt he felt in his heart. Isshin was staring back at him with wide eyes, like reality was sinking in.

After those eight years… Ichigo had talked again to him. He felt happy for a brief second but was immediately replaced by a deep pain and guilt. He looked at his bloody hands as tears started running down his face. What had happened to him? All he had ever wanted was to protect his family and when he lost Masaki he thought he had lost everything. He blamed his only son for his wife's death when he was already suffering deeply from it. After Ichigo recovered from the accident it was when all started. He had to be quiet, he took the beatings silently because he could do nothing more or his vocal cords would get worse. Isshin was glad because he couldn't protest.

He couldn't hear his son's cries of pain. His begs for his daddy to stop hurting him.

When one day he was able to talk again he looked so happy when he came from school with his friends. Isshin had been so angry. Why he had been so happy when it was his fault his wife had died? He contacted a psychologist that had been fired several years ago because of his extreme methods of dealing with people. Four sessions were enough to make Ichigo fell silent until now. He had made the kid feel so guilty about distracting her mother when asking her something that made her lose concentration resulting in the terrible accident that made him swear he would never talk again or her mother would be very disappointed at him.

And not talk Ichigo did until Shiro came in.

When Isshin came back to reality he heard the guy's name being yelled again and again until the voice turned hoarse. He got up as fast as he could and rushed to see his son kneeling in front of the bloody form of his lover. If the kid wasn't dead yet it was a miracle. His coffee colored eyes widened as he was the scene. He… he had done that? He tried approaching them to help but Ichigo screamed again.

"Leave us alone! Stop hurting him!" Ichigo hugged Shiro tighter, his heart screaming in his rib cage that he should do something fast or he would lose Shiro for good.

Isshin took a step back as his son stared at him with hatred towards him evident in his eyes. Never had he seen that look on Ichigo. His son hated him. Isshin wasn't so surprised, for Ichigo he was the main source of all his pain.

"I'm sorry," he muttered quietly, but it was loud enough for Ichigo to hear. His eyes didn't change but he stopped looking so tense. "No amount of apologies can fix what I have done. So please, let me at least help him."

Ichigo pulled Shiro towards his chest a little more, not caring his clothes were getting soaked in blood. He looked down at the sickly pale face of his lover and forced down a sob as it pained him to see Shiro in such a state. His cheek was purple from the first punch he took, traces of blood were falling down his forehead and neck, one of his knees was twisted in a way that even make him feel sick. About the internal damage… it could be even worse than the external.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance instead?" Isshin said after some seconds of silence. Ichigo lifted his gaze and nodded slightly before returning to look dead worried at his lover. Isshin took the phone from the nearby table and called an ambulance. He gave them their direction also telling them that it was urgent because the boy was almost not breathing. When the call ended, he let the phone fall to the floor and walked to the small cabin that was at the other end of the living room. Ichigo was looking at him warily… until he took a gun and pointed at them.

Fear overtook his expression as he shielded Shiro with his arms. His mind couldn't comprehend what was happening. His dizziness was getting even worse as he felt his heart pounding fiercely. The fear transformed into surprise and horror when his father pointed the gun towards his temple.

"I can't guarantee my mental state won't get worse and that I won't go after you again." A small and sad smile appeared in his face as his finger tightened over the trigger. "I'm sorry, Ichigo, I hope he survives and you and your sisters find happiness from now on."

"W-what are you…?"

"I'll be finally reunited with Masaki… Although I'm sure she hates me now." A few tears ran down Isshin's face as he thought of all the bad things he had done over the years. She could never forgive him for what he did to his own children.

"M-mom won't hate you…" Ichigo felt complied to say. "S-she'll be mad but… She can't hate you or me; she will always love us… Because that's how she is."

Isshin looked surprised by his words but smiled nonetheless. "I guess you are right." He pressed the gun completely against his temple, feeling the cold metal in his skin.

"W-wait! You don't have to…!" Before he could finish his sentence, the sound of the shot echoed through the room and the house. Ichigo stared wide eyed as the dead body of his father fell to the carpet, staining it with his blood. The only thing he remembered next was the scream that tore his throat and the distant sound of the ambulance siren.

x.x.x.x

Ichigo opened his eyes. It was night time and everything was in silence. Through the hospital's bedroom window a cool breeze moved the curtains slightly.

The fog in his mind caused by the analgesics was still there. Seeing that there was no way he would go back to sleep, he stared at the white ceiling trying to continue to keep his mind blank. The simple act of breathing hurt. Still, he strained himself to overcome the pain and forget about it. It wasn't that difficult considering that it was something he was used to, unfortunately.

Surprising enough, he was still alive. However, he wished for his suffering to just end right there, tear off the IVs that were keeping him alive and let nature continue with its cycle. Fate wasn't so kind to him and gave him a bravado that made him want to still fight against the odds. This didn't mean he still didn't carry the weight of his hurtful past on his shoulders.

He made another effort to not give in to the pain. His hand went to press the button to call a nurse so they could give him another dose of morphine but he stopped. No, drug himself until he could fall asleep wasn't the solution. Ichigo closed his eyes and sighed.

He heard something and a sensation of déjà vu filled him suddenly. Opening his eyes and scanning the room, he moved his head to the side. Now Ichigo could heard a paused and calm breathe. He had the feeling that at that moment he wasn't alone in the room and he believed it must have been someone they had put in the other bed…

Ichigo saw the shadow of a hand that was approaching him very slowly. He couldn't tear his eyes away. It was a hand he recognized. But from where?

"W-who…who's it…?" He asked in a quiet voice that sounded hoarse.

A dark chuckle. Ichigo again searched for the button on the side of the bed. Once the shadow was closer to him, Ichigo held his breath in. The shadow took another step towards him. In that moment, his face was exposed under the moonlight coming through the window. That hand was about to grab his face…

Ichigo screamed and protected himself with his arms, ignoring the protest his injured body made. Why wasn't anyone coming to see what was happening? He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, causing him to try the block sound by covering his ears with his hands. However, the sound was inside his skull, pounding. An irrational fear took control of him as in his mind the whole incident was played all over again. All the blood, the cries of pain from his lover, his own pain… He started backing up until he fell from the bed, throwing the IVS with him but he didn't stop retreating until his back collided with the wall. He was slowly panicking, not enough air was entering his lungs.

After some tortuous minutes of panic and terror, he heard steps and voices that made him whimper. The lights were turned on and a nurse crouched down in front of him.

"Calm down Kurosaki-kun, it's okay," the voice said calmly, hugging the terrified teen softly. "It was a nightmare."

"H-he…he was h-here…" He stuttered completely frightened, forgetting about his silent vow towards anyone who wasn't his lover. "R-right here!"

"There's no one else here apart from you and me. Please, calm down."

His head was hurting a lot, almost making him unable to think. Another nurse rushed in with a syringe in her hand.

"H-he was trying… trying to h-hurt us a-again…!"

"No one is gonna hurt you here, Kurosaki-kun." She whispered, rocking the teen back and forth to calm him down.

"Shiro! W-where is him…?"

"It's okay. Both of you are save now. I'll stay here with you."

Ichigo's breathing evened out slowly and his head rested softly on the nurse's shoulder. He felt a warmness he had missed. It reminded him of those times when his mom would comfort him when he had nightmares.

Slowly, they brought him back to his bed and they worked over the IVs and connected them to his arm again. Once they made sure they were okay, the nurses shared a sad look. The one who had carried the syringe inside before took it again and walked over to the teen to inject the sedative. It wasn't long that Ichigo fell into unconsciousness again.

Dreaming of a world… A world where Shiro and him were happily living together.


	13. Chapter 13

Edited: 29/11. Sorry about the mistakes, I'm trying to finish this fic asap so I can start a new one. Stay tuned!

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><p>Ichigo's POV<p>

Two weeks had passed since the whole incident. I was finally able to walk around by my own feet because the damage my head took wasn't so severe. Luckily my arm wasn't broken either but I shouldn't strain it much. I was walking through the corridors in the first floor of the hospital until something colourful caught my eye. An old woman was selling very colourful plastic flowers as a gift for patients I guess. It made sense they were fake ones in case anyone was allergic. I approached her, seeing she was smaller than me when I stood in front of her.

"Good morning young man," the woman greeted me. "Can I help you?"

I shook my head. I only wanted to give the flowers a closer look. There were a lot of colours… I saw a white one next to an orange one and I sighed. They reminded me of me and Shiro but no one was permitted to visit him yet. I tried to ask the doctor about his condition but I could not talk and he didn't understand me when I tried with sign language.

I was still devastated.

"Here." I shook my head as the old woman took the flowers in her hands. "You can have them." I shook my head because I had no money to pay her. She giggled and pushed the flowers towards my chest. "Come on, take them." I smiled at this woman and she smiled back. "You look like you need some more colour in your world right now. I hope these flowers help a little."

I stared at her, surprised by her words. Honestly, old people are so wise. I thanked the woman by bowing my head and she waved me good bye. I walked through the corridors once again until I found the elevator. Getting inside, I pressed the button to the fifth floor and waited. I got down in that floor and started looking at the numbers on the rooms doors. 513… 514… 515. There it was. Room 515. The door was closed unfortunately. I had hoped that I could visit my boyfriend already. I sighed. I went to sit on the chairs in front of the rooms but there was already someone there. It was a tall guy with shining blue eyes and an incredible blue shade of hair. Wait, blue? Where have I seen this guy before?

_My eyes fell first in a picture lying flat on the living room's table. Picking it up carefully, I stared at it. The photo showed two boys, one was Shiro and the other was a taller guy with blue hair. And I had thought my hair had a strange shade of colour! _

"_That's my stepbrother" The pale teen explained as he took the picture gently from my hands to put it face-down again where it was. "We lived at the same orphanage when we were kids and later we were adopted by the same family." _

Ah! Now I remembered, it was Shiro's stepbrother. I guess he had come to visit him as well. I glared at him and he noticed my stare because he glared back and frowned.

"What?" He asked angrily. I fidgeted under his gaze. What was up with him? "What do ya' want?" He sounded so much like Shirosaki…

I took a deep breathe. I had to talk to him… Somehow. I had to tell him I was there for Shiro as well. I broke visual contact with him to stare at the closed door again.

"Are ya' 'ere to visit Shi?" I nodded. "Are ya' a friend or something? Ya' look in bad shape yerself." It had been two weeks but I still wasn't fully recovered. Sleeping had been a hard task and the long sleeved shirt I was wearing looked even bigger and baggier than the last time I wore it. I finally sat in the chair next to him, flowers in hand. I had nothing else to do but sit there everyday since I was able to stand up. Minutes ticked by in silence, only the soft murmurs of doctors could be heard through the empty corridor. That until the guy next to me yawned loudly and stretched his arms. "Ya' don't seem to be the talkative type." He suddenly said.

I stared at him. "Are ya' mute by any casual?" I felt like I should nod but at the same time I wanted to say no. Still, it was hard to talk around anyone that wasn't Shirosaki. I had been silent for two weeks and it was killing me a little. I really wanted to talk to Shiro. Deciding that there was no way I would find the willpower to talk to a stranger, eventually I nodded in response. "Oh… Ya' must be Berry-tan then." I frowned at the nickname. Someone told him about me…? He smirked. "'M just teasing ya'. Ichigo, right?" I rolled my eyes. "Urahara told me 'bout ya'."

I arched an eyebrow towards him, inquiring him to explain that part. He knew Urahara too? I had never heard of this guy before and I almost knew every usual customer. I stared at him until he continued. "Yeah, I came to this town just some days ago to visit my brother but I didn't expect him to be here ya' know." I felt a pang of guilt in my chest from his words. It was my entire fault he was there in the first place… I grabbed the hem of my shirt and played with it between my fingers nervously. "I hate hospitals and I was unable to see him so I went for a walk around the town. I've been thinking to stay here for a long time so with nothin' else to do, I looked around for a job. That's when I came across Urahara's shop." Ah yes, Urahara had been looking for someone for quite sometime now but he hadn't found anyone of his liking. "He seemed to like me and showed me around. Also he told me 'bout an orange haired kid that usually visited him. He told me a bit 'bout ya'."

So that was what happened. I guessed Urahara left out the part where I and Shiro were going out. No need for this guy to know to be honest but since he was Shiro's brother… I guess Urahara didn't tell him about Shiro visiting him either for the sign language classes. Silence fell upon us since the guy did have nothing else to say. I would have liked to at least know his name but he seemed to have forgotten that part. It was all silent again until the door from the room was opened. We both stood up at the same time at the mere sound of the door opening. A doctor came out from it, glaring instantly at us. I had seen that doctor around my room as well… Maybe he was taking care of our case since we were brought together.

"Well hello Kurosaki-kun, how are you doing?" I shrugged my shoulders. "And you are?" He asked referring to the blue haired guy.

"Grimmjow, Shiro's brother." The doctor nodded flipping through some papers he had on his hands.

"Ah yes, we contacted you. May I speak to you in private?" The doctor opened the door of the room again and let Grimmjow inside while throwing me an apologetic look, knowing I had wanted to visit Shiro.

I had no idea how long they were inside the room. I could hear nothing and it felt like hours until a nurse passed by to come and retrieve me to my room. I shook my head no, looking down to the flowers in my hands. I wanted to wait and see if Grimmjow could tell me at least a little bit of Shiro's condition. It was eating me inside to not know. I couldn't sleep at nights because of it. Usually a nurse would have to sedate me in order to make me rest. The nurse tried to get me to stand up and follow her back to my room but yet again I refused. She was about to repeat the same thing but then door was opened, interrupting her. First Grimmjow came out, then the doctor. He glared at the nurse, like asking her why I was still sitting there. Then the doctor sighed. I looked at Grimmjow. He looked tense, a frown on his face and his fists closed so tightly his knuckles were turning white. I had to swallow a bad feeling down my throat.

"Kurosaki-kun, " The doctor called. "I see you are not going back until you see Shirosaki, am I correct?" I nodded. "I guess I can make an exception but only five minutes, understood?" I stood up and nodded. He accompanied me inside and closed the door behind us.

I felt my heart break a little the instant my eyes fell on Shiro. He still looked sickly pale. The echo of the heart monitor thrummed in my ears like it was the loudest sound ever. He had all type of IVs connected to him. The picture I was seeing felt like it came from one of my worst nightmares. I almost dropped the flowers, but I managed to grip them tightly and then leave them near the window. They were fake but they looked good there anyway. The doctor stood by the door as I walked through the room before I sat next to my boyfriend. I caressed his right hand and I felt tears running down my face. I felt like I was slowly drowning in a sea of despair, so far into it I had no way to emerge from it. My chest was constricted so tightly I thought my heart would stop beating right there. And it might had if the doctor hadn't talked right at that moment.

"Time is up, Kurosaki-kun. Let's get you back to your room." He said putting a hand on one of my shaking shoulders. I didn't want to leave Shiro's side… It hurt so much I was feeling dizzy. "You need to rest as well."

I finally nodded and got up. I followed the doctor outside the room and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. Grimmiow was still sitting outside the room with his elbows resting on his legs and his head on his hands. He seemed to be deep in thought until I approached him. A nurse came back to retrieve the doctor and he excused himself; he had to go to attend something important. That left me more time to stay beside Grimmjow. They were brothers after all… he must have been hurting as well.

"I came back to town to apologize to my brother…" He suddenly said. I sat next to him and stared at the bedroom's door I crossed a few minutes ago. Thinking that Shiro was inside made my chest tighten painfully again. "I've been such a shitty big brother since my parents died… I never apologized for what I did to him." I diverted my attention from the door and looked at Grimmjow. He had a neutral expression on his face bordering in what seemed like a frown but his eyes told me he was deeply sorry about whatever he did. "I hope he found a bit of happiness when he moved here."

I put a hand on his shoulder and he looked towards me a little bit surprised. I nodded my head and he looked relieved some seconds later when he understood my message. "He did? Lucky bastard." He snickered. I managed to smile if only a little.

I guessed Shiro and me… We healed each other's wounds. Just spending time with the other seemed to be enough, at least for me. I found myself silently crying again, tears streaming down my cheeks and I couldn't help it. The guy sitting next to me didn't cry but I could feel sadness waving from him. A soul that prays for forgiveness…

And a soul that prays for something to be returned.

x.x.x.x

Grimmjow said he would come and visit me tomorrow because we couldn't visit Shiro yet. I nodded and waved goodbye to him with my hand. He ruffled my hair and muttered a low 'stay strong Berry' before disappearing down the corridor. I couldn't be mad at the nickname that time. I turned around in the other direction to head towards my room when I heard a nurse say something that caught my attention. I didn't double the corner and stayed there to listen to what she had to say.

"What is your diagnosis about that patient, doctor? Shirosaki Ogichi, I mean." There was a pause in which I felt my heart beat unusually fast. I clenched my shirt over my chest. "By these tests…"

"It's hard to tell." The doctor answered with a sigh. My eyes were already wide open. "He might not make it."

When I heard those words, my heart sank. More like it shattered and then it sank to the pitch of my stomach. I clenched my jaw tight, fighting to not scream and cry right there. I ran away.

I heard nurses scream behind me as I passed by them, trying to stop me or yelling to me stop running in the corridors. I couldn't stop. I didn't know where I was heading towards but everything was so blurry by tears and dizziness that I couldn't see straight. I noticed I ran out from the hospital when the cold rain hit my skin, drenching me in it instantly. I felt the cold cruel drops fall in my skin like ice daggers. I fell to my knees, exhausted. I stared at the wet concrete, unable to think of anything that wasn't the doctor's words echoing cruelly in my mind. No amount of beatings I took from my dad could compare to the pain I was feeling right then.

I screamed. Let all my feelings out. I continued screaming until my throat became sore and the screams turned into harsh breaths and whimpers. I gripped my shirt over where my heart was with all the force I had at that moment that almost counted as nothing. It hurt so damn much. I couldn't bear with the thought of losing Shirosaki now.

"Kurosaki!" I heard someone scream my name but I couldn't distinguish their voice as my ears were ringing. Something was dropped into the floor before I felt like being embraced. "Hey are you okay? What are you doing out here?"

"It hurts… Why… Why are they trying to take him away…" I wasn't even sure if I said that out loud or not. I didn't care. I just wanted to hold Shiro again. Tell him how much I love him again and hear that he loved me back.

I just dreamt…

x.x.x.x

Another person's POV

I sighed for the umpteenth time that day. It wasn't usual in me to be like this but yesterday's events had left me so shaken. I was in my way to the hospital to give my father something he had forgotten at home –talking about unusual things-. It was raining and hard, I was even carrying my umbrella because of it. I was almost at the entrance when I saw someone kneeling not far from the main doors. I would have rushed to aid this person anyway but what caught my attention first was a colour. Orange. "Kurosaki!" I immediately recognised him. I dropped my umbrella and ran to him. He was screaming his throat raw, no doubt he was crying as well. I hugged him to keep him warm until a nurse heard the commotion and stepped outside.

"Hey are you okay? What are you doing here?" By the clothes he was wearing I could tell he was a patient at the hospital. So that was why he hasn't been coming to school the last two weeks… What made my eyes widen more so was when I heard him talk. It was barely audible with the rain falling so hard and his voice sounding so rash.

"It hurts… Why… Why are they trying to take him away…"

He dropped unconscious right after that. As best as I could I dragged Kurosaki inside and immediately nurses came rushing to me. I told them to carry him back to his room and to change his clothes before he could get worse. They nodded and carried the unconscious boy away. I sighed deeply as I took a handkerchief from my pant's pocket to clean the droplets from my glasses. It was soaked as well. I sighed again. From the corner of my eye I could see my father walking towards me.

"What was all that commotion about, Uryu?" I adjusted my glasses to my nose and shook my head. I wasn't sure myself. I just found Kurosaki crying his soul out in the rain. I didn't even know how to react yet. "Anyway, did you bring what I told you to?"

I looked inside my backpack and hoped the papers didn't get soaked in the rain as well. Fortunately, they didn't and I gave them to my father. He took them and walked off away from me. Tch… As cold as always. I stared off the corridor and frowned. Why was Kurosaki hospitalized in the first place? I put fingers to my chin. Maybe it had to do with those bandages I've seen on him from time to time when he thought no one looked when his sleeves slipped back. Still what he said didn't make sense to me and… Wait.

Kurosaki had talked.

x.x.x.x

"WHAT?!" I put the palm of my hands over my ears as all my friends shouted the same response at the same time after some seconds of shock as I told them about Kurosaki talking yesterday.

"Are you sure you heard well?" Kuchiki-san exclaimed as her violet eyes were wide open in bewilderment.

"I'm absolutely sure though his voice wasn't above a whisper at the moment…"

"And where is he?" Inoue asked more calmly than our other female friend.

"He is hospitalized…" General gasp. "But I do not know for what reason he is there." I added before they could start asking.

"We have to go visit him!" Kuchiki said. Sado nodded in agreement. Everyone started talking about how they should meet up in the afternoon to go see Ichigo.

I noticed that while everyone was trying to came out with an hour for all of them to meet –I had to tell them that visits were permitted only two person at the same time…-; Abarai hadn't said a single thing about the topic but in his eyes I could see he was slightly worried. I understood everyone's worry but I didn't feel that visiting Ichigo right at that moment would be a wise thing to do. I voiced out my thoughts.

"What are you saying Ishida? Why wouldn't we visit him?" Rukia frowned. "Things has been rough between us and him but…"

"That's exactly why Kuchiki-san," I interrupted her. She clenched her teeth. "We've been neglecting him for a long time… He pushed us away but we did that to him as well. Think about how he would feel if we suddenly show worry for him after this long."

"We've been worried about him all this time…" She said the frustration evident in her voice. "But I understand what you say. He would be mad."

Everyone fell silent for the rest of the lunch hour. The atmosphere was tense between us, as if millions of things wanted to be said but no one did. It was then that for the first time since all this matter started that Abarai talked. "I think we should visit him only one per day."

Everyone stared at the red haired for some seconds before everyone nodded in agreement. It sounded like a good idea for all of us. We had to go slow on him. We didn't even know what happened for him to be in the hospital so we had to try to not mention or ask about it. If he wanted to tell us then we would hear him out. If he didn't we would support him. Losing him was tough for all of us, even for Abarai that acted like he hated Kurosaki. But Kurosaki was still our friend.

"Kurosaki-kun helped me a while ago… " Inoue said almost too quiet for us to hear. "I was having trouble with my biology tests but he lend me a hand and thanks to him I managed to pass. Kurosaki-kun didn't even need to talk to make me understand."

"He helped me too," Rukia nodded her head. "I had the bad habit of biting my nails out of nervousness so he would always approach me and tear open the straw plastic so I could drink my juice."

"Ichigo helped me with guitar lessons from time to time…" Sado added.

I guessed it was my turn to confess. I coughed and said as low as I could. "He brings me some sort of sweets when I have to over stay because of Student Council matters."

We fell silent after that, realization sinking in. Kurosaki had been still there, helping out with small things when we needed… And no one did something for him back. By the faces everyone made, we all felt guilty about this. I felt like we should apologize to Shirosaki-san as well, but I haven't seen him around. Did he move out again? Kurosaki and Shirosaki seemed to go along so well.

Everyone agreed that I should go first. I sweated nervously at this. Why me? Only because I was the first one that found him yesterday? I adjusted my glasses. It sounded logic to me but still… If I refused they would drag me there. I guess I had no other option.

x.x.x.x

I preferred to stay off the hospital as long as I could. It was a hard thing when my father worked there. That day I had to do it for a friend. I, Ishida Uryu, calling Kurosaki a friend. I sighed. There was a time where we would compete to see who got better scores –he was smarter than he let on-, but I guess things got complicated for him. We were enemies but we eventually considered ourselves friends. He insisted all the time since the competition that we were friends but I still denied it saying he was my enemy. Inside I considered him a friend too. I still do.

After asking the receptionist where Kurosaki's room was, I slowly walked there. I was feeling more nervous than I let see. I stopped in front of the door and after taking a deep breathe, I opened it. No one else was inside the room, just the figure sitting on the hospital bed.

"Kurosaki…?" I murmured closing the door behind me. He flinched at the sound of my voice and looked towards me. "Hey."

He was glaring at me confusedly, probably wondering why I was there, in his hospital room. "I found you yesterday," he still looked confused. "Out in the rain." I clarified.

Kurosaki opened his mouth and seconds later he closed it and nodded as a sign that he remembered some of it. I think he didn't recognize me that day. I sat down in a chair next to the bed and left a box on his legs. He eyed it curiously.

"It's a gift. Inoue-san thought you would like them." His hands got out from under the blanket and took the package between them, his fingers untangling the red bow on the top of the box. The fingers from his left hand were clumsier. Maybe he was hurt there.

Inside the box where chocolates of different shapes but they weren't random shapes. Although a little weird, they were our faces. All of us in the shape of a chocolate inside a box. His eyes widened in shock. He grabbed one, it was supposed to be Kuchiki-san but it looked more like one of her Chappy drawings… I almost gasped when I saw a single tear go down his cheek.

"Kurosaki?"

"I…" He tried to say something but the words got stuck in his throat. Still I appreciated the effort.

"Do you like them?" He nodded. What a relief. Then he gave me the brightest smile I've seen on him in a long time. Still he looked so sad… "Everyone is worried about you but we decided to visit you one a time, is it okay?"

Kurosaki nodded in response again. I was about to ask something else related to Shirosaki-san but then someone else entered the room. I turned my head to see a tall blue haired guy. And here I thought Kurosaki's hair was unbelievable. He looked surprised to see me sitting there but he didn't say a thing.

"Hey Berry, how are ya' doin'? I brought ya' some manga." The guy said dropping said manga next to the bed. Kurosaki faintly smiled probably as thanks. "Is this yer friend?"

Kurosaki blinked and then he glared over to me before nodding. For some reason that he confirmed that we were friends lifted a weight from my chest I didn't know it was there.

"I'm Grimmjow." The guy presented himself. "And ya'?"

"Ishida Uryu." We didn't exchange any more words that day after our introduction.

The Grimmjow guy and I were sitting next to Kurosaki while he eyed one of the manga's cover and bite down in one of the chocolates. He made a sound of appreciation. As a doctor's son I knew it wasn't wise to give a patient something as chocolate but Kurosaki seemed to need it. I still remembered it is his favourite food. Grimmjow didn't say anything about it though he tried to give a disapproving look… until he saw Kurosaki was highly appreciating it.

I talked to Ichigo about what things he had missed from classes and tried to comfort him telling him that I would try to make the others bring him the notes from the classes. Also I told him a little about how my role as the Student Council President was going. I had some fun stories to tell as well. He smiled a few times during them.

I looked at the hour from a clock hanging on the wall. Grimmjow had already left a while ago. It was getting late and I needed to get things done as well. "Sado will visit you tomorrow." Kurosaki nodded. I turned to leave but before I got to close the door something stopped me.

"I-Ishida…?" I froze at the sound of his voice. It sounded so mature after all these years... "T-thank you…"

"Don't thank me." I said feeling embarrassed about him talking to thank me out of a sudden. I tried to hid my eyes behind the shin of my glasses. "I'll see you next week." I added before closing the door behind me.

Everyone was up to a roll coaster if they planned on visiting Kurosaki…


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry about the unbeta'ed chapters but I really want to finish this already. Once it's finished I will have the chapters checked, meanwhile bear with me! From one to two chapters to finish! Word Office stopped working out of a sudden when I was editing so maybe there may be some things out of place... Sorry about the mistakes guys.

P.S: This chapter ended being funny at some parts. Writing Ichigo in character makes me feel so good *moans* Ah yes, it's great.

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><p>It had been at least two months since my dad shot himself. It took me all that time to be brave enough to visit his grave. When I did, I felt no hate or anger. I was just… sad. I guess I understood he had been suffering a lot as well to some extent.<p>

I left the white flowers in front of the tombstone and closed my eyes with my hands clasped together. I wished that whenever he had went he had been able to reunite with mom. I had already forgiven him long ago. Taking a deep breathe after what felt like hours I walked out from the graveyard. Outside of it there was someone waiting for me there. We had grown close those last two months and even more so when I was released from the hospital. His blue eyes gave me a sided glare before he separated himself from the wall he was leaning on.

Without saying a single word, Grimmjow accompanied me home. It's not that I'm still mute around him but I didn't feel like talking about visiting my dad's grave and he understood that. We parted once I was right in front of my door.

"Call me later?" Grimmjow asked nonchalantly.

"Sure."

I opened the door and noticed that it was unlocked. Oh so he is home. I smiled, happy by this. I dropped my keys on the kitchen's table, making the necessary noise for the other inhabitant in the house to hear. As I predicted, the young man entered the kitchen with a gentle smile on his face.

"Oh Ichigo, are you back already?" His blue eyes shined as brightly as his smile.

"Yes." I answered smiling slightly back at him.

"Would you ever answer with more than a monosyllable?"

"I'm getting there Tensa."

"Glad to hear that. The bath is ready." I nodded and headed towards the bathroom.

Zangetsu adopted me for the time being until I'm twenty one but because he is such a busy man, I'm under the care of Tensa. Normally they would irritate me but since I'm living with them I appreciate a lot their company.

I took a long relaxing bath, sighing contently when I felt the hot water relax my sore muscles. I stared at the white ceiling through the fogged up air. A lot had been happening lately. I had been slowly recovering my bond with my friends, slowly opening to them again as they accepted me back into the group. Even Renji was starting to get back to the way he was before. Then Zangetsu adopted me and brought me to this house. It was little bit larger than my previous house but I fitted in quite easily. Still I was puzzled as why would Zangetsu live in such a large house if he only lived with Tensa before I came in.

I sat up to take a washcloth and poured soap on it to clean myself. All the scars left by the past were almost invisible at this point. The most obvious ones were the cuts at the back of my neck and the white lines on my arms but even those were fading. It was relieve to not have them as reminder for any longer. Yes, I learned to think that they were reminder that I was strong enough to stop it. That wasn't entirely true though. I didn't do it all by myself. I let out a heavy sigh and continued cleaning myself. The results of weeks of work out were starting to show. Grimmjow at first suggested it'd be good for me and at the end developed in a routine. It felt good nevertheless. It made me felt more confident over myself, you know?

Once I finished with the bath I dried myself off and put on some pants before walking to the kitchen where Tensa was preparing dinner. Sometimes the thought of him being a good housewife would cross my mind and I had to hold in a chuckle. I picked my phone and dialled Grimmjow's number as I sat in one of the chairs.

_"Hey Ichi, is everything better? I mean, ya' were quieter than normal."_

"A relaxing bath fixed it." I nodded though he obviously couldn't see that.

_"That's good ta hear. Up ta go ta the pool tomorrow after ya' know what?"_

"Sure." We were in the middle of August already. It was quite hot to be working out or running. Hitting the pool sounded all the better. "Same hour as always?"

_"Gotcha Berry. See ya' tomorrow."_

"I told you to stop calling me that, you stupid overgrown cat!" I heard the beep signalling the end of the call and I frowned. The prick hanged up on me! I put the phone down with a scowl and I huffed. He liked to do that way too often…

"Grimmjow-san again?" Tensa chuckled sitting next to me once he had put the plates on the table.

"Yeah, he likes to rile me up. Best way to make me speak he says."

"Well he is not wrong." I rolled my eyes at his response. "Ichigo," there it went his serious tone. That meant business. "How is he?"

I kept staring cross-eyed at the plate presented in front of me and sighed. I knew who Tensa was talking about and I honestly didn't want to talk about it, not after I had visited my dad's grave. That was enough emotional pain for one day. I just took a bite of the food and I saw him shook his head from the corner of my eye. What did he expect me to say? There had been no changes in the last two months other than physical injuries being repaired.

I ate half of the food, not really being hungry that night and I excused myself to go to my room. I walked upstairs and locked the door after entering the bedroom. Zangetsu moved my bed and furniture from my house to his so I would find my room more comfortable and I did. It looked almost the same except the furniture's location and the closet. I crashed my bed with another heavy sigh. I felt completely drained of energy. I had my face against the pillow until I felt the lack of air and moved my head to the side with a sharp intake of breathe.

I could say that I was getting infinitely better with all that was happening but there was something that at the same time was rotting my soul slowly.

Shirosaki.

He hadn't wake up. I would visit him every single fucking day. Not missing even one. I didn't care if I had an important test or an important appointment. I would always be there every day by his side. When I started regaining my voice around more people, I sang to him. I couldn't bring my guitar with me to the hospital obviously so I deeply hoped my voice would reach him. Some day… some time. However, as time passed by I found myself losing hope. There is only a limited amount of time a person can be supported alive while in a coma. If he didn't show any sings of waking up in a close future they would have to cut out all the medical machinery. It was still Grimmjow's choice because he was the only family Shirosaki had left but he didn't want to prolong our suffering either. As long as we had hope…

I was always trying to thank both Zangetsu and Tensa for all they have done for me and Shirosaki as well. They were both working hard to pay the hospital bills.

"Why won't you wake up Shiro?" I sobbed weakly trying to hold the tears that were threatening to escape.

x.x.x.x

It was dark. So dark, it was hard to see my own hands in front of my face. I had been walking for a long time, following a distant yet familiar voice. I couldn't recall where I had heard it before. I couldn't remember anything at all for that matter. All I knew I was in this absolutely dark space with no blowing air, no ground and with no end to it. How I was walking on a solid surface was a mystery. The voice would be there only for a certain time but after what it seemed like days, I could pick up the exact span of time between one appearance and the next. So I would stop and wait, wait for the voice to come back and guide me out of this place.

"It's time." I said as I stood up. Any time soon the voice would be back. Lately the voice sounded more melodic, but it had still the same tone to it.

"Shiro?" I lifted my gaze up to nowhere as all I could see was black but somehow… The voice sounded much closer. It knew my name as well. It was the first time I had heard it so clear. "It's me again…"

"Uh… Who are ya'?" I tried asking. Obviously, my voice wouldn't reach out of this place.

"You know… It has been almost three months already." Three months since what? I asked myself. All I remembered was opening my eyes to see all dark… "Heh, I'm not a weakling anymore. Grimmjow has taught me well. Your brother sure can kick ass."

Grimmjow? How did the voice know my poor excuse of a brother? Was even that bastard alive? I rolled my eyes and frowned. I could not comprehend what they were talking about… Now that I heard it clearer, it was a male's voice. I was still sure I had heard it before and it was from someone really important, but who?

"Shiro, you really have to wake up." I shook my head, confused. Wake up? Was I dreaming? That would explain the dark space and all but… What about the voice? "I'm trying to delay it as much as I can but my heart can only take much pain before…" The voice was growing quieter. He sounded so sad, so desperate. "S-Summer vacation is over. You missed it, chalkface. I really wanted to spend it with you."

"Hey, don't call me chalkface whoever ya' are!" I growled angrily. How dare him! That was some nerve that guy had! But if he was calling me that, he must have been someone close to me. It didn't sound like Grimmjow at all. "But keep talking I may as well follow yer voice and get outta here."

And follow the voice I did. It got closer and closer until I felt it was right next to me… Then it suddenly disappeared. Fuck. I stared wide eyed in front of me. For the first time for such a long time I had found something in that dark isolated space. A mirror. I couldn't see my reflection on it, it was extremely weird.

"Must be a dream indeed…" I muttered at myself as I reached out to touch the crystal but before I could do it an image flashed on it.

"S….ro…." The voice again! Why was it so distant now? I thought I had run towards it! "Shi….!"

I stared back at the mirror and gasped when I saw someone at the other side. It wasn't me though he looked a lot like I did. His orange hair completely stood out in the dark and his brown eyes shined with worry and desperation. I had seen him before… I knew by the way my heart was clenching at seeing his reflection.

"Shiro! Are you there?" It was him! The voice…

I reached my hand out as I saw the reflection do the same. I was shocked that my hand actually went through the mirror. The image rippled and a liquid like quicksilver started enclosing my whole arm. Before I knew I was engulfed completely by it. I tried screaming but I couldn't open my mouth. I couldn't breath. I started panicking but I was released from the strange liquid before I could lose consciousness. That would have been strange because I was already dreaming but… Dreams have a strange way of working. The new place was immensely bright compared to the place I was before. It looked a lot like my room. My old room back at home. I was standing in the middle of it.

I slowly walked out of the room when a teen ran past me yelling profanities and loudly closed the room's door. I was dumbfounded. Had I just seen myself walk past me? I touched the door and my hand passed through it like it wasn't a solid material. I gulped and walked inside to see myself. It was my thirteen year old self. Not exactly my favourite age. I did things back then I absolutely regret. Like the one that was happening right before my eyes at the moment. The other me was sitting on the bed, looking completely out of it. Well, drugs do that to you.

I sighed dramatically. Why? Why was I remembering this now?

I walked out of the room yet again, utterly disgusted with my young past self. At least it didn't get so bad to me like it did to my step brother. I didn't know how many years he was into that shit or even if he was still alive. I didn't know and though I would like to say I didn't care, I did. Deeply inside, I still got worried about him every time I saw a picture of him. Even if he got me started with all that shit and they were the two fucking worse years of my life, even worse than when my biological parents dumped me. I understood he suffered mom's death too much, even more than me, but still… I promised to myself I wouldn't be back to that ever again.

I walked through the corridors until I heard a faint sobbing coming from the living room. I approached the figure slowly as if not wanting to disturb them. It was a hard task when it seemed I was completely invisible there. It was only a memory after all and this was something my mind seemed to be conjuring up. The figure sitting on the couch sobbing angrily was my brother. Was I trying to unconsciously justify his behaviour? Trying to tell myself that even then he was really sorry?

I put a hand on his shoulder, even though I couldn't really touch him. "I forgive ya'." I saw a faint smile appear on his face before I was blinded by pure white light.

x.x.x.x

_That_ day my hope came back at full force, it was even stronger than before. I had come in the hospital room as usual, taking a sit and grabbing Shiro's hand between mine. That day, I fell uncharacteristically silent. As weird as this may sound coming from me but I had ran out of songs to sing. After some minutes of thinking, I decided to talk about mundane things.

"Shiro? It's me again." I started saying. "You know, it has been three months already." Time sure passed fast but so slow when it came to Shiro… "Heh, I'm not a weakling anymore. Grimmjow has taught me well. Your brother sure can kick ass." I chuckled. Training had been harder lately and I was sure Grimmjow secretly enjoyed it way too much. I had developed strong muscles; there was no sign of the skinny weaker me anymore. Although the two of us new better that we were only doing the entire training thing as a distraction for both him and me. It worked well most of the time.

"Shiro, you really have to wake up." I squeezed his hand; hoping deep inside there would be any form of response. Nothing happened, as always. My chest tightened. "I'm trying to delay it as much as I can but my heart can only take much pain before…" I couldn't finish that sentence so I jumped to another thing. "S-Summer vacation is over. You missed it, chalkface. I really wanted to spend it with you." I took a deep breath. "Go to the beach, eat ice creams, and watch the fireworks… See? I even went on a trip with my friends. It was really fun but I couldn't stop thinking about you and how great it would be if you had been there." My voice started to die down. I was breaking again after so long. It was hard to come here everyday and find every single time that he hadn't still waken up.

Then I heard it. A groan. I stared completely shocked at the lying form of my boyfriend as his eyes were strongly shut. His mouth was twitching. Was he dreaming? Whatever it was, it was a response. That meant there was a higher possibility he might wake up. My heart was thumping loudly in my ears. In my skull. Every-fucking-where. I couldn't describe what I was feeling.

"Shiro," I called to him. "Shiro! Shirosaki! Are you there?" I squeezed his hand harder and bit my lip, waiting. Nothing else happened but I chose to call the doctor immediately.

Not so long after, the room was filled with nurses and doctors, trying to get their patient to respond again. He did with another groan. I didn't even know I was crying until a nurse pointed it out and offered me a tissue.

"What happened?" the doctor asked me after he finished running the protocol tests.

"I was just talking to him as I usually do and he just…" The doctor nodded and scribbled some things on a paper before clearing the room. Now there were just him and me.

"Continue doing so. He might wake up if you do." I nodded. I was still growing accustomed to talking to strangers, but I was feeling such a growing relief and happiness I couldn't find myself to care or fear.

"Shiro you have to come home with me when you get better. Tensa and Zangetsu are great, I swear." Even though I wiped out my tears earlier, they were streaming free down my cheeks again but I couldn't stop them. "I have to reintroduce you to my friends. Now that we are back together, everything is back to how it should be. They are all great, even that asshole Renji. I wasn't even mad at him to start with."

No response. We gave up for the day, the doctor explaining that we might get something else the next day. I agreed to go home and rest. I left the hospital feeling better for once.

x.x.x.x

I found myself in a new place. It seemed like an infinite row of somehow side ways skyscrapers. What the fuck was my mind concocting? I shook my head and stared at the sky that was literally in front of me instead of above. Man, that place was fucked up…

To my complete surprise, I suddenly heard steps behind getting closer and closer. The steps turned into angry stomps and before I could turn around to see who it was, I was smacked across the head. Damn, that hurt.

"What the-!" I furiously turned around to face the responsible but froze when my eyes fell on the figure. "It's ya' again."

The boy frowned, an angry tic appearing on his right eye. "What the hell do you mean by 'it's you again'?"

"The mirror and…" I tried explaining. No use though. The ginger didn't seem to know what the fuck I was talking about. Neither did I.

"Jesus Christ Shiro, how could you forget your own boyfriend? It has been long but… That's beyond being an asshole." The teen growled. Okay, he had some fire.

"Oi, stop being so hard on me! I hardly remember anything!"

"As if I care! Wake the fuck up already!" He yelled at me. Talking about being rude… What was his problem?

"Since when are you such a firecracker Ichi?" The boy grinned from ear to ear seemingly at my response and I wondered what I said for him to look at me like that. And then I noticed…the name. I had said it unconsciously; I didn't even know that was his real name. It sounds incomplete though. "So ya're Ichi…?"

"Ichigo, you stupid chalkface. Look, we've been waiting so long for you. It's time you get out of here, don't you think?" He looked serious when he said this. How long had I been here? Then I remembered him saying… Three months. It had been three months.

"Am I…?"

"In a coma?" Ichigo finished the sentence. Still it was a shock to hear that. What happened to me anyway? "Yes of course. Why else would I be here? A product of your imagination in this strange place…"

"So ya' ain't Ichigo."

"Yes but no." The orange haired shook his head. "Anyway, I'm here to help you to… ah… unlock your memories."

"Why? Am I forgetting something important?" Even if something was missing… Wasn't it because it was better to not remember it?

"Me, you dipshit. Goddammit, are you usually this dense?"

"Is Ichigo this bold?" I countered. I had the feeling this was not his usual behaviour… Or was it?

"Touché." Ichigo snickered. "Anyway, enough talking, let's find those memories before you wake up."

"No."

"What?"

"I mean… What if I don't want to remember?"

Caramel eyes looked directly into mine with an unreadable emotion. He looked sad but at the same time relieved or happy. I couldn't put my finger on what it was. He turned his back on me and started walking away. I followed him without a word, not wanting to stand alone there to be honest. If he was a fragment of my mind…. He could be trusted, right?

Right?

"I want to remember ya' but I also feel like there's somethin' related to ya' that I wanna forget." I explained.

"You are hitting right on the nail Shirosaki." The false Ichigo sighed as he didn't falter in his steps. He was determined to go wherever we were going… "Because you protected me, something terrible happened. I'm sure the real me feels guilty about it so I can freely say that I am too. That one thing you don't want to remember is definitely a nightmare and you decided to forget me with all of it."

"I'm sorry Ichigo, I…"

"Don't apologize to me." He smiled sincerely towards me. "If it makes you feel better… I can retain that certain memory for you, but one day… It'll come back."

Was it worth it? Remember something my mind deemed necessary to forget in favour of my feelings? Because since Ichigo appeared, I've been feeling like I'm floating. Absolutely love-sick. He must be really important to me for making me feel that way.

"I wanna remember ya'. I really do. My heart has been beating so fast since I saw ya'." Ichigo chuckled. "What?"

"Nothing. You'll see why soon enough…"


	15. Chapter 15

I have no excuses. Work, studies, laziness. Yeah. Only one more chapter to finish. Woohoo.

x.x.x.x

I was supposed to be in Shinjuku visiting my uncle, my cousins and, of course, my sisters. However, I couldn't bring myself to be away from Shirosaki for a whole week. No after he had been showing signs of waking up. Shinjuku wasn't too far away from Karakura Town, I could get back here in one hour walk if anything happened. Still it made me feel uneasy to be away from Karakura right now.

Tensa and Zangetsu had been trying to coax me all these days, saying that I must spend the winter holidays with my family. My answer had been no all the time. I loved my sisters with all my heart but an equally loved person needed me too. I was torn.

Lately I had been taking less care of myself. Sleeping was a harder task, and I refused to down the pills the doctor told me to have. I didn't want to go in a drugged state of sleep. I was eating less too and as soon as Tensa noticed he lectured me about it. I promised I was trying, but I was really stressed about Shiro's condition. Another three months had passed. The doctors were starting to dread that he might wake up but his brain damage could be so severe that those simple tasks as talking or moving around would be impossible for him.

I sat there, next to him, unable to say anything or even move. The words from the nurse six months ago echoed in my mind. _He might not make it. _I broke down again. I don't know how many times I had cried in front of him, pleading, begging him to wake up. To stand awake next to me. I was crumbling down into the dark once again. It was slow, it was painful.

"Don't leave me alone… I can't go on without you, I'm trying but…"

I started to sing to him again, voice broken. As broken as my soul.

x.x.x.x

"Ichigo… Where're we goin'?" I asked wearily. We have been walking for a good twenty minutes… More or less. Time was hard to measure inside this world. It hadn't changed; it seemed to have an infinite number of skyscrapers with no end.

"It hasn't been twenty minutes." He suddenly said. Wait, he can read my thoughts? "Of course I can, I'm part of your mind." Ichigo huffed, offended.

"Have we been walkin' longer?" Ichigo stopped dead in his tracks and I stopped right behind him, staring at his back. His shoulders looked tense for some seconds before hunching. "Ichigo?"

"Definitely it has been a lot longer. Not minutes, not hours, maybe not even days." He resumed his walking and I shook my head, confused. What did that mean? "A couple of months if we are lucky. Time passes much faster outside this world but if you are still here, it means you still have possibilities of waking up. People hasn't given up outside, so shouldn't you."

"Months…" I repeated to myself in disbelief. It sounded like an awfully amount of time. I wondered if Ichigo was still waiting for me outside.

"Don't worry Shiro, we are almost there." Almost where? We finally came to a halt in front of a certain skyscraper. It looked the same to me but Ichigo was looking at it intently. A tanned hand was extended towards the skyscraper and was put firmly against the surface. It seemed like nothing happened until the surface started to ripple. Ichigo looked towards me with a grin on his face. He stepped to the side and gestured me with a movement of his head towards the hole that had just been opened in the skyscraper. A lot of sounds were heard from that dark hole, so loud that Ichigo had to talk really loud for me to listen. "This thing will get you outside! You will wake up. Everyone will be happy, kiss kiss, and go home!"

"W-what?! Just like that?" Really? That easy?

"What did you expect? Rainbows and unicorns? Go through Hell and back?" The orange haired teen chuckled, amused by my reaction. "Based in the amount of time you've been bed ridden I can assure you recovery it's going to be hell but, you know… I'll be there!"

"Ya' promise me?" Ichigo looked at me cross-eyed and shook his head.

"I can't promise you, I'm not real," He said in a sad tone. "But even if I'm not there at the moment, I can assure you I'll be there as fast as I can!"

"Ichigo…"

"Just go already!" He grabbed my hand practically pushed me inside the hole. I watched him as I fell into the darkness. I turned around, fearing to abruptly crash against something but instead I saw a bright light… Even brighter that the one from the upside down world.

A constant beeping noise was the first thing that reached my senses. I felt like I was detached from my body, I couldn't feel anything at all. However, for some reason, I didn't panic. The beeping started to reach me louder and the faint smell of antiseptics entered my nostrils. I was recovering my senses really slowly but that was better than nothing. I started to feel my body agonizingly slow. First were fingertips, then the rest of my hand. I don't know how much it took but even then, my body felt awfully heavy. I could only move my fingers and it was really faint and slow. I groaned, my throat hurting and burning with the mere try of making a sound.

I felt so tired, so exhausted even though I had just woken up…

x.x.x.x

It had been a week since arrived to Shinjuku. My sisters managed to keep me entertained so I wasn't worrying about Shiro all the time. My cousin Kaien and his siblings were as loud as I remembered them to be. Yuzu aced all her tests and Karin was still as good playing football as before. I was so proud of them. They knew about dad's suicide but they didn't mourn about it for too long. They were far more intelligent than both let see. The twins understood dad had to let go to go with mom. Their explanation was so simple…

We were sitting at the dinner table when Yuzu leaned over me to whisper. "Did you know, onii-chan? Karin met a boy!"

I almost dropped my fork. My sisters were longer kids… Sometimes I forget. "What do you mean 'she met a boy'?"

"I think she likes him!" Yuzu giggled, covering her hand so she was not heard by her sister.

I snickered and leaned a little more over her. "So, how is he?"

"He's really handsome actually! He is an albino but his eyes are so pretty! That aquamarine colour…" I raised an eyebrow at her words.

"Do you like him too?" I smirked.

"No!" She yelled with a furious blush covering her cheeks. The rest of the family looked at her, making her blush deepen. My snickers morphed into a full laughter.

"Sure you don't."

She was about to retort, her brows furrowed, when my phone started ringing. "Excuse me," I got up from the table and walked outside the kitchen to pick up the call. "Hello?"

"Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"Yes, it's me. Who is this?"

"I'm calling you from the Karakura Central Hospital." My stomach dropped and my mouth was dry all of a sudden. I felt like throwing up and she hadn't said anything else yet. "I'm calling because of Shirosaki Ogichi's condition. Your number figured here as an auxiliary in case the main one wasn't operable." Did that mean they called Grimmjow first but he didn't pick up? Where was he? Dammit!

"W-what is it?" I tried to steady my voice without success.

"He woke up from his coma condition around 19:32 of today. He is just resting right now."

I couldn't form words. I was speechless. Shirosaki was… was… Was I dreaming? I pinched my arm. Hard. It hurt; it didn't feel like a dream. Shiro was really awake. Hot tears were already making their path down my cheeks.

"Are visits allowed right now?" I asked as soon as I recovered from the shock.

"Only by relatives." Fuck.

"Does being his boyfriend counts?"

The woman fell silent for a few seconds in which Ichigo held his breathe until she answered. "Seeming that his only relative is his brother and that he hasn't picked up our calls, I'll write down your name here so you are allowed to come and visit him."

"Thank you."

"If you have any news from his brother, please contact us. We have to discuss with him about the patient's recovery treatment." She added.

"I'll do that."

Then she hanged up. I stared at my phone's screen showing the window with the ended call. I still couldn't believe what I was just been told. It hadn't gone through my brain yet. My eyes widened to impossible proportions when it did.

Shiro was awake.

I broke into the kitchen and everyone stared at me surprised. "I have to go!" I yelled before running upstairs to put on an extra sweater and grab my scarf. I heard the steps downstairs and loud yelling, asking about where I was going. I ran back down, apologizing to my family before running to the hall without further explanation.

"Ichigo! Where are you going?!" Kaien yelled once I was out the house and running down the street.

"Shiro is awake!" I yelled back without stopping.

The snow was thick under my feet, my socks were getting soaked but I didn't care. I kept running, even if the cold air was burning my lungs and freezing my fingers. My nose felt as if it was frosted and my fingers were almost numb when I reached Karakura Town limits. The Hospital was in the centre of the town… I felt like I wouldn't make it. A heard a car engine passing close and I thought about stopping it. It did without me having to try. A familiar blue haired got out from the car.

"Ichigo! What'cha doin' out 'ere?" He held me close to retain any warm I had left and lead me towards the car backseats. "It's a miracle I was passin' by comin' back to town. Why're ya' so far away from home?" He sat back in the front seat and had the car running so he could turn on the heater.

"I was v-visiting my f-family for C-Christmas…" I stuttered because of my clattering teeth. So fucking cold…

"Hold on. We're in our way to the Hospital. I hope ya' don't have a hypothermia or somethin' of that sort." I nodded and hugged myself to try and keep myself warm. My soaked socks weren't helping much so I took them off. "Did ya' receive the call?"

"I-I did."

"Good, but let's get ya' treated first, Berry-tan." I frowned.

"D-don't call me that… I-I-I'll punch you…"

"Ya' sound soooo threatenin' right now." He let out a sarcastic chuckle and I huffed.

The rest of the ride to the Hospital was silent. Luckily, I managed to recover the feel of my fingers and my feet. Grimmjow insisted that we wait parked outside the hospital until I ceased to feel cold. Shiro wasn't going anywhere, he said. I knew.

Ten minutes passed by and that's when I finally recovered my body heat. I sighed in relief. Grimmjow looked at me through the front mirror with a serious expression. What was it?

"Ichigo, are ya' sure ya' wanna come in?" I frowned at this question. Is he questioning me about this now?

"What do you mean? Of course I want to."

"You know… He might be awake but… Is he okay?"

It hit me harder than I wanted it to. I knew that Shiro's brain damage might be enough to get him bed ridden for the rest of his life but I had been trying to not think much about it. It shattered my heart. It was my fault he was in such a state in first place. I clenched my hands, feeling the guilt growing in my chest.

"If ya' ain't ready-"

"-I'm not backing off." I cut him mid sentence. I stared at him with new found resolution despite the feeling tightening my chest. "I'm tired of running away, and I'm definitely _not _running away from the one I love. I'm not a coward, Grimmjow. If he hates me, I'll face it. If it turns to be that his condition is that bad, no matter what, I'll be there with him."

With this goal set in mind, I got out from the car and closed the door, being closely followed by Grimmjow soon after.

I'm not losing the person I love most. Not soon.

x.x.x.x

I felt a hand taking mine. It was warm, very warm compared to how cold felt the rest of my body. The hospital bed sheets didn't warm much I guess. But this hand… this hand seemed to take all the cold away, like magic. It was big and the grip firm. Whose hand is it? It felt familiar yet different. I knew I have hold this hand before.

Who is it?

I wanted to open my eyes and see for myself, but seemed like the hardest task ever to just do that. I tried and tried until finally I could feel myself lifting my eyelids. I heard a voice, a distant one. This voice was familiar too the other one I don't recall if I heard it before. There were two people there?

I opened my eyes for the first time in what it felt like a really really long time. My vision was extremely blurred and I could only see white. I dropped my head to the side and I saw other colours, no forms. There was black, blue and… orange. Orange? I tried focusing my vision several times with no use.

"Is he awake?" One of the voices asked quietly. The one that sounds familiar.

"I don't know…" The other answered. "Are you with us Shiro?"

Wait, I knew that voice too. It was somehow deeper but that tone… That _voice. _It was not just a voice. It was _the_ _voice. _It was important, I couldn't remember why. After some minutes, my vision started working at last. It went out of focus intermittently and it took some more time to finally be able to focus properly. Still the figure was blurry, which frustrated me, but eventually I recognised the figure sitting there, holding my hand like I was the most precious thing.

One name came to my mind: _Ichigo. _

My lips curved slightly, I think. I couldn't see well but I think his eyes were watering as tears started cascading down his pink cheeks. I could hear his soft crying as his hand tightened over mine. Those beautiful caramel orbs were even more colourful when they were glassy like that.

"S-Shiro… Y-you are finally awake…" He said between sobs. "W-Welcome back…"

I opened my mouth to reply but found myself unable to. My mouth and my throat were completely dry. He sniffed, seeming to sense my problem; he propped my head up softly and put a glass of water over my lips. Some of it probably went to waste down my lips, but I managed to down the rest of it without choking.

"I…Ichi…?" He hugged me instantly. I couldn't return the hug, but I could feel my eyes spilling tears as well. I was so happy to feel the real him again. I've been asleep but I couldn't imagine how long has he been waiting for me to wake up. I promised to myself to stop his suffering but I only seemed to have been worsening it. Once he separated away from me to clean his face I could have a good look at him.

His face was more cut, more handsome. Was he taller as well? His hair had grown out to shoulder length and it looked really good on him. I wasn't mistaken when I said his voice was deeper… He was cute before but now I don't fail to say he is sexier. I tried to smirk at these thoughts.

"W-what are you smiling about?" Ichigo asked with a little laugh of himself.

"I….I was…. T-t-thinking of… " Goddammit! It was so hard to form words… I took a deep breath and continued, taking my precious, frustrating time. "How m-much… y-you have g-g-grown…"

A look of worry crossed Ichigo eyes and he looked somewhere else before he returned his attention to me. "You've been out of it for six months Shiro… I guess I have changed a lot."

I blinked in response. Talking was out of question because I was feeling extremely tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep again. I wanted Ichigo to tell me so many things…

"You look tired, Shiro. Please sleep, I won't move from here." He assured me with a sweet smile.

He didn't have to tell me twice because even if I didn't want to, I was out cold in a matter of seconds…


	16. Chapter 16

Yes, fucking finally. It was about time, right? This story almost hit the two year ongoing mark. I'm horrible, I know. Please don't kill me because of this chapter…. *runs to hide*

**Final chapter: Louder than words.**

* * *

><p>"C'mon one more lap!" An energetic yelled from across the field over the sounds of the boy's exhausted panting.<p>

"Gimme a break dude!" The poor orange haired shouted back as he felt his legs giving up on him. He lost count of how many laps he had ran already! Was the other trying to train him for the Olympics or what? "Why don't you fucking run too?!" He protested between the harsh pants coming out of his dry mouth. Water! He needed the precious liquid right now.

"Hey guys!" A new voice screamed from even farther. It came from the nearest building's entrance that happened to be the sport centre.

Both turned their heads towards the newcomer and with a relieved sigh the orange haired stopped running. He walked a few steps before letting himself fall on the grass surrounding the area. He was so fucking tired. That was some military training!

"Are ya' 'kay babe?" The pale figure asked still from afar, slowly approaching the pair. He received more pants as a response, making him chuckle.

"Good job Ichi, almost broke yer own record!" Grimmjow laughed as he held the chronometer while he was walking towards the exhausted berry.

"It's not funny you asshole! Are you trying to kill me cotton hair?!" The teen huffed taking a sitting position and crossing his legs. The good thing is that he recuperated quickly from the exertion.

"What did ya' say Berry head?!" His friend growled.

"As much fun as it is watching ya' two bicker at each other… "

"Oh sorry, Shiro," Ichigo got up from his comfy position on the grass and leaned over Shiro to kiss the top of his head. "How did it go?"

"Same old same old honestly…" He answered frustration evident in his voice.

Ichigo let out an involuntary sigh that didn't go unnoticed by the albino. No doubt Ichigo still blamed himself for Shiro's actual condition. Amber eyes closed themselves behind the special dark glasses he was wearing and shook his head. He lifted his arms and grabbed Ichigo's cheeks to push him closer to his own face and give him a peck on the lips.

"Stop berating yerself, please?" He pleaded. He felt a sigh over his lips as they were pressed again against each other.

"Shiro-" Ichigo started to complain but Shiro cut him.

"Please." Those pleading eyes behind the glasses made him seal his lips and don't say anything.

It hurt Ichigo. Even after six months, it hurt. Seeing Shiro with his vision partially affected to the point of having episodes of complete blindness and not being able to walk on his own two legs. He was trying to make all the work for the both of them. That's why he had been working out lately harder than ever. Even if Shiro insisted that it was okay, still it wasn't. Not for Ichigo.

_"I'm alive, Ichigo. I'm grateful because I get to be with you," Those words filled his heart with love and with the same share of hurt at the same time. "If this is the price for your recovery, then I don't mind." _

Did he? Ichigo still wondered if Shiro said that to make him feel better and also feel better about himself. He was going to rehabilitation twice a week but with no progress. His legs were still unresponsive. About his eyes… The surgery was in about a month but Shiro didn't look worried or nervous.

"I wanna sit on the grass," He said shaking Ichigo out of his thoughts. The orange haired teen smiled sweetly and put an arm under Shiro knees to lift him up. Ichigo let him down slowly on the grass and a smile crossed the pale features. "It feels great."

Ichigo nodded so did Grimmjow sitting next to them. At least Grimmjow and his brother had learned to get along together once again and now they were practically glued to each other. Not that Ichigo minded, not being a jealous person he let Grimmjow steal his boyfriend from him from time to time.

"Can ya' take off my shoes? It's kinda hard to reach them." Shiro huffed after making several tries to reach his feet but he wasn't as flexible… Not like Ichigo anyway. But that's another topic kept for the bedroom.

"Of course Shiro," Ichigo took them off, socks included and Shiro sighed blissfully. "Does it feel good?" Asked the teen quite puzzled by this.

"Yes," A giggle, yes a giggle, passed his pale lips. "It tickles."

Ichigo and Grimmjow looked at each other, blinking once, twice, before looking at Shiro at the same time. "Tickles?" They both said.

"Yes… Doesn't the grass tickle yer feet?" Shiro asked confused by the sudden odd behaviour from the other two male.

Ichigo blinked once more and shook his head. Didn't he notice? "Shiro! You are feeling! You feel the grass!" Sounding more excited than he intended he hugged his boyfriend by the neck, throwing both of them on the grass.

"I-I do…" He muttered still not believing he could feel something below his waist. It was the first time in six months that he feels something touching his skin again. It was weird but extremely pleasant. He returned the crushing hug and inhaled the sweet scent of Ichigo. His boyfriend had changed in a good way since he recovered. His lithe body suited him.

"I have to tell Tensa!" Ichigo said excitedly as he got up and lifted Shiro with him, carrying him bridal style.

"Ichigo stop carrying me everywhere like this… It's embarrassing!" Shirosaki protested trying to persuade Ichigo to let him go back on the wheelchair. He had grown accustomed to it anyway.

"But it's faster like this," Ichigo countered. "Besides, don't you get tired of sitting all the time?"

"Actually I do but-"

"Then it's settled!"

"Are ya' actually thinkin' of carryin' me home like this? All the way?" Ichigo nodded with conviction and Shiro snorted. What a hot headed boyfriend. He didn't complain much about that.

Shiro heard Grimmjow chuckled behind them and he threw him a dirty look though the other couldn't see it because of the damn glasses. "I'll carry the wheelchair in my car. I'll see ya' later, _princess._" Grimmjow mocked his brother after passing by him, ruffling his white hair in the process.

"I'll kick ya' once I'm fine again!"

"I'll be waitin' for it!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and started walking back home, Shiro still pouting on his arms with his own crossed. The orange haired chuckled softly. Brothers…

x.x.x.x

"Ichigo!" He woke up to the scream and rushed to the bedroom across his own, throwing the door open. Immediately, Ichigo approached the bed Shiro was lying on and held him.

"Ssh, I'm here." He tried soothing his distressed boyfriend by caressing his back softly. "It's nothing… It'll pass soon." He hoped this so deeply. It happened from time to time that Shiro would wake up in the middle of the night, unable to see a thing around him. It made Ichigo's chest tighten painfully.

"I can't see ya'…"

"It's dark idiot." Ichigo tried reassuring him with this lie, making it seem like it was the dark bedroom's fault. "Go back to sleep. I'll be right here."

He felt the cold hands reach his face and he let Shiro explore his face. He seemed to be doing so more lately. Was he in reality worried that he might go blind? For Ichigo it looked like a Shiro tried to memorise his face every time this happened. Anxiety filled him. Usually it happened one or two times per month.

It had been two that week only.

"Ichigo?" Shiro whispered quietly and Ichigo could swear it sounded like a strained sob. "Your skin, your smell… It gives you out."

"What?" Ichigo gave him a confused look that Shiro evidently couldn't see at the moment. Seeing those amber eyes going slowly white broke his heart. The surgery date was so close…He hoped everything went well.

"Even if you were still mute and I go blind… I still would know it's you." Ichigo leaned his head into the pale palm of Shiro's hand and let a tear slide down his right eye.

"Don't say that. You'll recover your vision. I'm sure you'll do."

"Your eyes speak louder than your words, I said so once."

"Yes, I remember." Ichigo nodded, grasping Shiro's hand between his.

"The touch of your skin reaches farther than my vision." He put his other hand over Ichigo's chest and left it there, feeling the heart beating under his fingers. "Your mere presence walks me farther than my legs. I feel good if you are here."

"I won't leave you then. I promise." He hugged Shiro again for good measure and laid next to him shortly after, lulling him to sleep with a lullaby his mom usually sang to him when he had nightmares.

_If I look into your eyes I see a star_

_It looked back at me and said:_

_"Please love me, love me_

_I want you to stay by me"_

Ichigo kissed his forehead and laid awake, waiting for Shiro to wake up in the morning and tell him that he could see Ichigo's face again. He prayed…

_Louder than words they speak._

_Stay by you, I'll do. _

_Louder than words they speak_

_Shinning through the dark.*_

x.x.x.x

That's it the end. Thanks to everyone who favourited, reviewed and read this disaster of mine. But don't go yet! It has a small ending about Shiro's recovery tho. Will the surgery go well? Who knows? You'll have to wait a little more.

*The lullaby is actually from my own mother. I cry whenever I remember it… Rest in peace, mom.


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